love is blonde

I’m stealing this idea from Janssen, and if you know Janssen you’ll agree that pretty much all of her ideas are steal-worthy!

Things I’ve been loving in January:

• My shiny new MacbookPro. Sure, it technically belongs to the office, but I am having no problem at all pretending that it’s mine.
• Global warming. I don’t actually like global warming, but I have been loving our warm winter. It was 64 degrees here today! I wore open-toed shoes! I believe that probably we are all screwed and should move northward and inland, but in the meantime, I’ll enjoy it.
• The book Zeitoun. It was chosen for my February book club and I was smitten right away once I heard it was about New Orleans, during and after Katrina. But it’s about so much more. It’s non-fiction but reads like an adventure novel. The story follows a Syrian-American man and his family during the storm, the flood, and through a Homeland Security/FEMA disaster that more closely resembled Guantanamo Bay than Bourbon Street.
• Spinach & Artichoke Dip. My friend Alyssa over at Everyday Maven was kind enough to take a special request from me. I wanted a healthified version of cheesy spinach dip, and she totally came through. I highly recommend this for the Super Bowl party you are hosting or attending. (Also, I’ve been eating it for lunch all week, with red bell pepper dipping sticks, and it’s the best homemade lunch I’ve had in awhile.)
• Homemade breakfast sandwiches. On Sundays I’ve been making breakfast sandwiches in bulk for the week ahead. Ingredients: whole wheat english muffin (toasted then cooled), 1 piece turkey bacon or 1 patty of Morningstar fake sausage (cooked then cooled), and then I make a thin fritatta (you could add cheese or veggies or just do egg whites) and use the rim of a drinking glass to cut the egg into circles. Assemble, saran wrap, freeze, and reheat!
• Living life like I’m 21 years old again. Going to bars in Adams Morgan, sake bombs, sleeping in til noon, eating frozen waffles, hanging out with my friends talking about life/boys/clothes, etc. It’s not so bad.
• Bright pink tights paired with a dark gray skirt and a black sweater. Y’know, before it became 64 degrees.

Here’s a view from my parents’ newly finished “retirement” “cabin” (both words meant to be taken lightly). Apparently it’s winter somewhere!

Tell me, what are you loving right now?

In redesigning the blog (thank you everyone for the swooning!) I found myself reading through a bunch of my archives. Aside from the normal embarrassment one feels upon reading one’s young and immature diary writings, I couldn’t help but think to myself…damn, I was really happy back then.

There was the time we did six word memoirs. Do any of you remember those? There are some gems in the comments.

There was the time I shaved my eyeball with a razor and ended up with an eye patch (and later with LASIK and 20/20 vision so we can consider it a happy accident).

There was the time my comments got a little crazy when I told you guys the s-e-x-u-a-l poem that Andrew wanted read at our wedding. Good veto, friends.

There was the ordinary Wednesday afternoon that we snuck out of work and got married at the courthouse.

And perhaps my favorite post of all time, writing about falling in love over the course of six Valentine’s days.

There’s more, too. Drunken girlfriend weekends, crafty endeavors, buying a house, beautiful vacations. In 2010 and 2011 the fog of infertility crept up on me. And then a little bit of hope and happiness for awhile, and then the loss. Now I feel like a black cloud follows me everywhere. It shadows all of my thoughts and words. It owns me and I hate it.

One day I’d really like to be a happy person again. If I had to write my six word memoir today, it would be: Things will never be the same.

With a new blog design! If you click over from your Google Reader or other preferred blog reading device, you’ll see a snazzy new site design by the amazing Jennifer.

Farewell to the cherries, which I loved dearly for many years. It just felt like time for a fresh, new look.

Let me know if you guys run into any glitches and we will get them worked out. In the meantime, have a lovely weekend. It might be 60 degrees here tomorrow! Holla!

OLD:

NEW:

For anyone who knows me, it is probably no surprise that I would never, ever vote for Rick Santorum. I wouldn’t vote for anyone who draws parallels between homosexuality and “man on child, man on dog” or who doesn’t “believe” global warming is “real.” The nicest way to put it is to say that we have fundamentally different world views.

But I’m finding myself really angry about something I’ve been hearing about him lately and I feel the need to speak up.

I heard first it at a small social gathering.

“So how about the Republican primary, pretty crazy, right? Can you believe Santorum actually has a chance?”

“Have you heard that thing about his stillborn baby, how he brought it home from the hospital?”

And then, in a blast email I got today, citing the Santorums’ “decision to force their children to kiss, hug, fondle, and sing to the dead baby.”

And I’ve seen tweets like this one: “Just a reminder that Rick Santorum kissed and cuddled a dead baby for hours and he is treated as a somewhat-viable presidential candidate.”

I’m sure my experience having a stillborn baby was different than the Santorums’, for probably a million reasons. But I can tell you that the couple of hours I got to spend with my son Miller — when yes, he was dead — were hours that I cherish so very much. In fact, my biggest, and probably only regret, a regret that sometimes feels like it’s eating a hole through my insides, is that we did not hold him for longer when we had the chance. Because I’ll never get to hold him again.

I wish we had spent the night with him. I wish I had held him until my arms were tired, and then for longer. I wish I told him 100 more times that I loved him and that I was so sorry he did not get a chance to grow up.

I console myself by saying that we made the best decisions we could at the time we were making them. I can’t really explain it any other way. But I’d kill to have those hours back, and I’d do it over differently.

To be critical of another family spending time with their (dead) beloved baby — that is just beyond my scope of acceptable right now. As a liberal, and a Democrat, and a fervently pro-choice person, I don’t think it is okay.

The reason I am pro-choice is because I believe that medical & reproductive decisions ought to be left to women and their doctors. I trust that most women, and most doctors, will make moral and ethical choices for themselves, given the circumstances they are in.

And so I think we ought to grant that same liberty and freedom from judgment to the Santorums, and to other parents of stillborn babies. They should choose how to grieve and cope and make decisions that are right for them and their families during a family tragedy.

If I hadn’t experienced this loss, I would have probably said those statements above, too. And the Santorums’ loss doesn’t really forgive the fact that they made it into a political platform issue. And I’m probably having somewhat of a knee-jerk reaction because my regrets over time spent with Miller are so raw and painful. But even with all those caveats, let’s leave the guy alone on this topic. There are plenty of other things to dislike about him.

designed by etsy shop digibuddhaPaperie

Sending and receiving Christmas cards is probably my favorite thing about the holidays. I love getting mail, seeing photos, and yes, even reading those family newsletters.

Side note: I’m a big proponent of sending out photos even if you DON’T have kids, and including adults in the photos even if really you just want to show off your cute kids. I’m friends with YOU! I want to see YOU!

My Christmas wish for you is that you get to spend time with people you love. Thank you for sharing the highs and lows with me this year, and especially for lifting my spirits over the last four months. This blog and the friends I’ve made because of it have been a big part of my healing. I’m so grateful for you all.