under the knife

March 7th, 2006 @ 9:22 pm | miscellany | Post a Comment

I have a great and yet sort of disturbing love for the very awful TV show Dr. 90210. The characters on this Beverly Hills plastic surgery reality show, both doctors and patients, are so damn insane it’s like watching a silicon-filled car wreck every Monday night.

The featured doctor is Dr. Robert Rey, who I can safely describe as the most schmoozy and egotistical man on Earth. He wears really obnoxious pinstripe designer suits when he is not wearing sleeveless scrubs and doing pushups in the surgical room. He has an 88 pound wife (mostly boobs) and a gajillion square foot mansion. And did I mention the heinously ugly suits?

So, last night’s episode. One patient is a girl who works as a receptionist for Dr. Rey himself. Not shocking that a girl who works there wants plastic surgery, but seriously, this girl wears a size zero and has purple hair and thinks that getting liposuction is going to make her look better. Hint: How about a better hair stylist instead? It’s a lot cheaper.

In addition to lipo, she is also looking for some surgical reconstruction of the down-there region. Okay, I can’t really fault the girl for that. Nobody wants ugly parts. But while Dr. Rey is doing the vagina consultation on this girl, he takes out two paintings of vaginas to show her how pretty her results are going to be. Um, is there something wrong with a medical diagram? Instead, we must only think about how the vagina should look according to a Van Gogh impersonator.

Surgery day comes and Dr. Rey goes down to perform the labiaplasty. He comments at least four times about how this is his favorite surgery to perform because “this area is so pretty and so cute” and “the lips just look beeeeeautiful” and “it’s just adorable.” It’s exactly how someone might describe their new puggle puppy. But it’s a vagina!

After he proves his deep love of the vagina, he goes on the further prove his manliness by earning a black belt in tae kwon do. To accomplish this, he has to break through two bricks with his hand. Nevermind that this could easily break a bone in his hand, which would ruin his career. Which would mean losing his mansion and his livelihood. But no, he simply MUST break the bricks because one time when he was a little boy in Brazil his father told him he was a lazyass who would never amount to anything. Must. Avenge. Father. You know, even if it makes your already starving and stressed out wife almost divorce you.

By the hour’s end, after one “adorable” vagina surgery, some unnecessary liposuction, a testicular implant, a major breast reduction, two hand-broken bricks, and one trophy wife on the edge of mental and physical breakdown, I’m convinced this is one of the better episodes ever aired. Can’t wait for next Monday night!

comments

  1. i am ashamed to admit that i watch this show. somehow I missed the episode where they were talking about how much weight Dr. Rey’s wife had lost and what she was doing about it. I actually got online and tried to find out what happened (i am hiding my head in shame right now). so do you know what happened?

    written by jenn

    March 7th, 2006 @ 10:16 pm

  2. eewwww. just eewww.

    (my friend thinks dr. rey is the.hottest.guy.ever. i don’t get it)

    written by jessica

    March 8th, 2006 @ 6:29 am

  3. I agree, Dr. 90210 is like a car wreck you can’t turn away from. And I can’t stand Dr. Rey. I wish his wife would divorce him. I can’t even imagine how terrible it is to be married to him. Oh, and what’s up with the highlights??? Apparently bad can get worse.

    written by Sarah

    March 8th, 2006 @ 6:41 am

  4. Janet,
    Trashy TV is much better with your commentary and/or company. I cant stand the whole personal life drama on that show? I mean, I love to hate it. Any update on the Reys having another child?

    I’ll stick to Scrubs and Grey’s Anatomy for my dose of medical madness. Did I mention I like Scrubs?

    written by alexa

    March 8th, 2006 @ 9:15 am

  5. Colin will not allow me to watch this show. He hates Dr. Rey with a fierce passion. I’m very squeamish of the surgery parts too. But I do love the human drama of it all. Those dumb-dumbs seem to always look only marginally better after surgery – not worth the ba$$illion dollars it must cost to have surgery with that ego crazed man.

    written by Alison

    March 8th, 2006 @ 10:20 am

  6. Hmm, never watched this show but now I want to! It sounds wonderfully stupid!

    written by goldmoon

    March 8th, 2006 @ 4:00 pm

  7. Hilarious!! If I watched that show I would get vagina envy :)

    written by for Joke!

    March 8th, 2006 @ 6:08 pm

  8. 1. SCRUBS SCRUBS SCURBS

    2. Go Colin. Don’t you think that is the way we should run our relationship sweetie? I tell you which shows you can’t watch – life would be so blissful.

    written by Andrew

    March 8th, 2006 @ 8:26 pm

  9. I watch this show too. His wife is having a nervous breakdown. But it IS addictive!

    p.s. I am loving the Biolage right now, too. Good stuff!

    written by KellyF

    March 9th, 2006 @ 8:23 am

  10. Hum…sorry I missed it.

    (your description reminded me of the “playa” doctor on “Scrubs”.)

    written by Isabel

    March 9th, 2006 @ 2:44 pm

  11. I love this show! I love when he and his wife get on each other’s beautiful nerves.

    I’m also putting it out there that I watch Lifetime. There, I said it.

    written by kris

    March 10th, 2006 @ 7:49 am

  12. K- I’m commenting again because #1 – I watched the show last night #2 – I was thinking of a story of this lady at my office who had labiaplasty (or whatever.) This wacky lady here had labia plasty and apparently asked a freind of her’s to take before and after photos. Later, that friend went to some event with some other co-workers. They did the whole “oh let’s take a picture.” With a male co-worker holding the camera, when they turned it on, the “post-op” picture was on the screen! Arghhhhh- gasp, ewww, ahhhh!

    written by Alison

    March 10th, 2006 @ 10:04 am

  13. I just wrote about bad TV yesterday and this post is a perfect combination of my love of bad TV and my job that often involves explaining words like “labiaplasty” to a bunch of horny 18-22 year olds. Cool blog, by the way!

    written by Teacher Lady

    March 10th, 2006 @ 2:43 pm

  14. that is the only episode of dr. 90210 that i have watched in its entirety. well, ok, fine, I turned my head during the questionably nauseating parts. Nonetheless, I agree, that his suits are ATROCIUS! Was it horrible that I was outwardly rooting for him to break his hand on the bricks? :)

    Nice site by the way, I’m in the same area..well kinda, I’m in NoVa. :)

    written by PenguinTarts

    March 12th, 2006 @ 6:16 am

  15. Funny report on Dr. Ego. His new pinstriped suit is even worse.

    Please tell me you don’t wear those pointy shoes in your closet. Gag!

    written by Steve

    October 17th, 2006 @ 10:05 am

  16. This is the funniest blog I’ve read in a while. you are a gift at the keyboard.

    written by Abbie

    July 25th, 2007 @ 2:33 pm