reentering the dark ages

April 9th, 2006 @ 10:48 pm | blonde moments | Post a Comment

You all remember that phrase, “Step on a crack, break your mother’s backshower/Tivo/cell phone”? Well, I musta stepped on about fourteen hundred cracks, because seriously, things are breaking all over.

Where should I begin? How about the shower? After all, it’s kind of necessary to show up at the office tomorrow not smelling like Friday’s lunch. Yesterday, Andrew and I went in armed with a kitchen knife and an unbent wire hanger to try to unclog whatever lurked beneath the drain. Unfortunately, I think our rogue set of tools (and plumbing skills) just shoved the mass of goo deeper down so that instead of just letting the water out at a really slow pace, we now get the shower/bath combo! And the murky water even stays around for your next shower! Gross.

Next we have the broken cell phone. All I am trying to do is switch from one crapass megatelecom to another, and yet they cannot successfully move my phone number over. This process has been going on for a week now, and I just found out that the person who set up the account has “since left the company.” Helpful! I have spoken to about eight different customer service agents who have so kindly directed me to call another spiffy toll-free number because those people can help you, just to hang up, dial the new number, and realize ”those people” are actually dead-end automated voices. My dear mother even went into the retail store trying to get help, and still, no phone. ARGHGHG! Don’t call me – I’ll call you. Seriously, you can’t call me.

So I’m showerless and cellphoneless. But the real tragedy of the weekend is that we are TiVoless, too. In fact, the TiVo is so broken, that for some reason the cable doesn’t work either. Not only did I miss Friday’s What Not to Wear, Saturday’s Best Week Ever, and Sunday’s Big Love, I will also miss tomorrow’s Oprah, and anything else that cannot be found live on my fuzzy version of NBC. And, dangit, Oprah was just starting new episodes again this week!

So if you happen to see me this week and I smell like last week’s bathwater and have no idea what is going on with all the popular TV shows and you think perhaps I am ignoring your phone calls? Well, at least you know why. I stepped on too many cracks.

comments

  1. Wow, that all totally sucks! I swear, there is almost nothing more annoying that cell phone companies. (More annoying? Driving around here in rush hour.) I hope that gets resolved for you because life without a cell phone is like, totally impossible. (And yes, I talk like a valley girl in real life.)

    written by Liberal Banana

    April 10th, 2006 @ 8:55 am

  2. Life without Tivo should be banned. I don’t know how people do it. Good luck and godspeed.

    written by jessica

    April 10th, 2006 @ 9:26 am

  3. OOoh, bummer. Sounds like a trip to Home Depot for some sort of tool that will unclog your drain? I have this thing that is like a tightly wound spring with a claw at the end, and I use that to unclog hair. I have absolutely NO idea what it is, but it always works like a charm….

    written by Haggalicious

    April 10th, 2006 @ 11:38 am

  4. I think that tool is called a Snake. I have a better idea. Make your landlord to it!

    written by Alexa

    April 10th, 2006 @ 12:31 pm

  5. I can’t decide what’s worse…no TiVo or no shower.

    (best of luck getting them all fixed!)

    written by Isabel

    April 10th, 2006 @ 12:53 pm

  6. This is one of those times that you thank God you’re a renter! Call the landlord pronto!

    Cell phone-less life is endlessly inconvenient, hope that gets better soon.

    I live in the Dark Ages, I don’t have TiVo. In fact, we play DVD’s off of Colin’s old Playstation from college in our living room. But anyway, modern conveniences rock, when they’re working!

    written by Alison

    April 10th, 2006 @ 1:42 pm

  7. I still don’t have TIVO yet so booo. But I feel ya on the whole broken house thing. Hot water? Gas light? Cell phone has to be the worst though. Makes you wonder how we ever lived without them.

    written by Ashlie

    April 10th, 2006 @ 3:34 pm

  8. So that was you I was smelling all over the zoo this weekend! And I thought it was just the pungent wolf pee!!! har har har.

    This is obvious but I’m guessing you all have already tried the liquid plumber foaming pipe snake gel miracle acid??? It has saved me a lot.

    written by Sarah

    April 10th, 2006 @ 7:56 pm

  9. Best Week Ever is one of my favorites – I would be pissed if I missed it!

    written by Melissa

    April 10th, 2006 @ 9:31 pm