pity party part two
July 27th, 2007 @ 11:20 am | miscellany | Post a CommentGuess what? I was wrong when I said that BlogHer started yesterday, which means we started our Pity Party a whole day early! Oh well, because I am totally taking the weekend off of blogging so I can hang out with my bestest friends, used car salesmen and real estate agents.
As I type this, the fabulous Indieblogger gals are moderating their BlogHer breakout session that conspicuously has the word “naked” in the title. Hmmmm makes you wonder about those ladies. (I kid.)
Onto the pity! I have a seriously large dose of it today, so please grab a cup of strong coffee (or vodka, your choice) and sit back so you can read why I had such a hard time picking a damn winner!
First up today we have Jennifer, whose story I loved because I am a huge fan of The Office. When she sent in her submission, I doubled-checked to make sure she did not actually work for a paper company in Scranton.
My coworkers threw a “luau” last week, where we — not kidding — were forced to do the limbo during a staff meeting. The luau was BEYOND insane. There was a piñata. Beach towels were pinned up on the walls. People were wearing coconut bras. The whole thing was surreal; it was exactly like the episode where they have the Jamaica party to make inventory day “fun”. Except it was real. And we don’t have any cute guys like Jim to make it bearable. It was the darkest moment of my life.
(For the record, Jen sent me a photo of the event as proof, and although I am not allowed to post it here because for some reason (mortgage?) she would like to actually keep her job, I do believe I can vouch that everything she said is true. Well, at least the coconut bra part. So not pretty.)
Next up we have Cady, and although you may think we shouldn’t pity her too much because this weekend she is taking a trip with her new hubby to the Baseball Hall of Fame, one part of her story caught my eye:
We’re sleeping IN OUR CAR the night before to cut back on costs, not showering for two days and sitting ALL DAY outside in 100 degree weather.
That is some serious true love people. Love of your spouse AND love of baseball. Although I dunno if I would love sitting behind them at the game. May I suggest copious amount of body spray? (Just teasing Cady, you know we love you!)
Newly engaged Lindsey definitely had the most creative entry. I think it speaks for itself.
I can’t go because I have to stay and enter my coke reward points codes into cokerewards.com. They only let you enter 10 bottle caps worth a day. Each bottle cap is worth 3 points. For only 4,590 points I could get this trip to a mountain resort in Yosemite. Perfect for my honeymoon, right? That’s only 1,530 cokes I have to drink. I’m already at, like, 200 points. Trips to the bathroom are also preventing me from going, but that’s just between you and me.
Please note that Lindsey is wearing a Diet Coke tshirt in this photo. Have I mentioned that my husband is a certified Diet Coke addict? I should send my rewards to you for the honeymoon fund!
The next pitiful story is from Chiada, and where oh where do I even begin sharing this tale of homeownership woes, which, by the way, totally freak me out because I very well could move into a house like this. How about here:
So. We have this tiny little bathroom. When we moved in, the entire ceiling of the bathroom was covered in stalactites. I’m not kidding. I spent eight hours on a step stool, my head hanging backwards, staring up at the stalactites, while I scraped them off and willed my arms not to give up on me.
That was really just the beginning of their problems. The previous owner had done such a cheap “remodel” on the bathroom that they glued the drywall to the baseboards (bad) but forgot to glue the vinyl flooring down (also bad). Needless to say, Chiada and her Hub-E tore out the entire shoddy bathroom and then…promptly ran out of money to fix it.
The remodel unfortunately had to be put on the backburner because one day, it got even worse: the water main pipe that supplies all the water to their house totally busted, leaving them without water for three days:
Do you know how much water you use in three days? How many times you need to wash your hands? How many times you need to visit the bathroom throne and need to flush? It’s horrible, I tell you, to not have instant access to water. We actually had to resort to using muddy water that Hub-E had scooped out of the trench to pour down the Throne in order to flush it.
Although the miserable story goes on with more plumbing problems, I must end there for the sake of public health! Just kidding, but seriously, please go send some love to Chiada. She had a truly pitiful story.
And now, the moment you have all been waiting for, the winner of the Pity Party Contest and one gently used Coach purse. I chose this winner not necessarily because her story was the most pitiful (see Chiada’s story for that one) or the most creative (a lá Lindsey), but because it involved a combination of several things: 1.) Spending all of your money and vacation time at weddings, which I can definitely relate to, and 2.) Forced public humiliation.
I have been invited to 7, that’s right SEVEN, weddings, all taking place from July 7th through October 6th. Two of these weddings involve my first cousins. Four of these weddings are out of state. The first wedding was Tim’s sister’s wedding. It was a Renaissance Theme. I was the maid of honor. He was the best man.
Let me present you Julie, the winner of the contest, in her awesome wedding costume. Just please, please do not tell Tim’s sister that you not only won a contest for the most pitiful story because of her wedding, but that you beat out a woman who had to flush her toilet with muddy water her husband lugged into the house in a bucket. That, my friends, is truly pitiful.
Thanks everyone for playing along and feel free to leave any additional stories, details, or other crazy entertaining things in the comments.
OMG… this comment of yours truly got me laughing this morning:
“you beat out a woman who had to flush her toilet with muddy water her husband lugged into the house in a bucket”
LMAO. Oh, girl. You do have a way with words. Well, congratulations to Julie! I can totally sympathize with her having to attend 7 weddings in that amount of time.
And I am honored to have been a finalist in the Pity Party contest.
It was a lot of fun writing my story, so I’m glad if I could make anybody laugh, even if it is a disgusting tale. 
written by Chiada
July 27th, 2007 @ 11:39 am
Thank you thank you Everyone.
I would like to thank all of the people who I m friends who decided to get engaged and then married this summer. Even though I my curse you while shopping for dress or buying your gift, I truly love you all.
Thank you Janet!
Have fun this weekend with your BFF 4EVAH!
written by Julie
July 27th, 2007 @ 11:48 am
When I saw Julie had entered I knew she would win because she is one of the funniest human beings, like, ever!
Congrats Julie! And congrats to Chiada for making it to the semi-finals with me. (I don’t think I know the other semi-finalists, but congrats to them too) I feel so honored to have even made it this far. Being pitiful is just so hot right now.
written by Lindsey
July 27th, 2007 @ 11:52 am
My jaw is on my desk from the sheer craziness of the multicultural limboing, baseball watching, muddy-water flushing, Coke-addiction-inspired cashing in, and Renaissance costuming. There is no way I could have even begun to approach this level of pity party, folks. I am in awe. For real.
written by RA
July 27th, 2007 @ 11:59 am
Now THERE’S a bridesmaid dress you can wear again! Ohmygoodness.
Excellent choice for the winner of the purse!
written by Janet
July 27th, 2007 @ 12:28 pm
This is the best contest ever, because I don’t know what rock I’ve been living under, but somehow I’ve never been to any of these fabulous, pitiful, and hilarious ladies blogs!
Until today.
And it’s not looking to be a productive work day
You girls are funny!
written by elise
July 27th, 2007 @ 12:48 pm
Oh wow! The expression on Lindsey’s face is so..well…pitiful! But oh poor Julie! Hey, at least she can wear that dress again…at Halloween.
What lovely ladies! I must check out their blogs when I’m NOT at work… I love Fridays!
written by Marriage-101
July 27th, 2007 @ 1:08 pm
This has been the best contest ever — exciting, pitiful, and, most of all, entertaining!
Congrats to Julie, and I also have to thank her for making me realize that although I was upset when my brother eloped, he and his wife are renaissance-fest-loving people and omg it could have been so much worse — that could have been me in that dress Julie’s wearing!
written by Audrey
July 27th, 2007 @ 1:22 pm
This is why I didn’t submit a story – yes, my yard and bathroom are torn up/not done, but I have been to the bucket-flush throne bathroom and yea, verily it is…rustic. Pls. note I did not visit when it was actually a muddy-water flush toilet, but…still. Do you have a mini-purse or perhaps a scarf for the runner-up? LOL
Seven weddings in that time is…inhumane – but the wench/bridesmaid dress is JUST PLAIN CRUEL. Julie, you are a “goode sporte”!
written by Maya
July 27th, 2007 @ 2:56 pm
PS Would like to note that Chiadas bathroom, while small, is still about twice as big as mine. Which is in a state of half-stripped paint/disrepair due to my inability to have three days together to actually remove the paint. Awesome
written by Maya
July 27th, 2007 @ 2:57 pm
Maya – I totally should have had a 2nd gift. Remember that yard sale when I got rid of like EVERYTHING though? And I am totally laughing at the “goode sporte” comment!
written by janet
July 27th, 2007 @ 3:01 pm
Me too! Maya is very goode with her olde English diction.
written by Chiada
July 27th, 2007 @ 3:31 pm
Haha! I love you guys, I vote we some day have our own Pity Party meet-up. I’ll bring the munchies!
Oh Julie, Renaissance or not, you look lovely as a maiden. Or some sort of wench? Hee. Congratulations, blogtwin.
written by alyndabear
July 27th, 2007 @ 9:48 pm
Oh wow, I’ve always kind of wondered about those Renaissance-themed weddings. And seven weddings total? I can definitely see why Julie won.
written by angela
July 27th, 2007 @ 11:32 pm
Dude, anyone should get a prize for that wedding ensemble. Poor Julie!
written by Laurel
July 30th, 2007 @ 12:00 pm
[...] LOLCATS! Finally armed with two incomes, we got our first taste of the real estate market, and boy was it expensive! I out-control-freaked my real estate agent. I hosted a BlogHer Pity Party that totally made me feel better about my own life. (Runners up. Winners.) Our car died and so we got a shiny new (used) one! [...]
written by love is blonde » 2007: still pretty darn good
January 4th, 2008 @ 1:02 am