my neverending story
February 28th, 2008 @ 12:12 am | life | Post a CommentI can distinctly remember being in kindergarten and thinking that the 6ths graders were SO BIG and I couldn’t imagine myself ever being that big and old. Same thing for being in middle school and seeing the high school students my mom taught, and then in high school I went to visit my boyfriend who was in college and, WHOA those people were so old too! Clearly, this feeling never really left me; I just got older right along with all those “big” people.
Until now. Now that I am approaching my late 20s, married and settled down, I have the opposite feeling. I wonder if maybe I’ve waited too long to find my dream or my passion or what I want to do with my life. Now it’s the little young things who have found their way in life. After all, a 21-year-old made the finals at Project Runway. Teenagers regularly win Olympic medals. Plenty of my friends have earned graduate degrees and have solid careers. My little sister is about to be a real live DENTIST.
When did all these “big” kids go and find careers and lives and passions and make something of themselves, and where was I when that bus came around looking for riders?
I know it’s terribly stupid to compare myself to some punk fashion designer kid or my lawyer friends, because I truly do not want to be a fashion designer or a lawyer. I know there are people in this world who are just driven and talented and one-of-a-kind. I’m okay with not being those people. But is this all there is for me? Stable do-gooder non-profit work?
I’m very happy with my life and I know it could be way, way worse. Just the fact that this is the kind of crap I worry about means that I am not worrying about real things (like debt, illness, etc), which is certainly a luxury in life. But still. Am I too late?
Aside from having kids at some point down the road, I just can’t imagine what’s in store for my life. I don’t want to fritter away my 20s and find that it’s too late to find a passion. I can’t just start over and go back to school and try again. Even if I could, I just don’t know what the heck to pursue. What is my destiny and please, please tell me it’s more than writing grant proposals, making really good quesadillas, and blogging on the side.
Being that you are my fabulous and loyal readers and you always know the right things to say, I’m sure you will chime in with encouraging words about how I’ll find my way or how you don’t know what the crap you’re doing either and hey! We should talk about it over margaritas. Really strong margaritas. And yeah, I’m up for that, because misery loves company and me and my lack of vocational passion are feeling kinda miserable right now.
(*Or maybe I just need to get over myself and realize that I actually do have a great job where I get lots of praise and I am helping to make the world better for kids every day. Yeah, I’m going to go to bed on that note instead.)
i wish i had words of advice but given that i’m trying to find that passion myself…i thought i found it but now i’m not so sure…let me know if you happen to see that bus come around again…because i’d like to jump on it also.
written by heidi
February 28th, 2008 @ 12:25 am
I am about to graduate from law school in 3 months, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I graduated college in 3 years (stupid stupid stupid) and wasn’t ready to work, so I went to law school. Now, I’m about to graduate law school, and again have no idea what I want to do with my life. Sure, I have a job lined up and I’ll do the lawyer-ly thing for a while, but passion? Not at all.
I guess it just goes to show that even those of us that go down the “right” path (similar to you in your non-profit work) still might not be totally passionate about the work. And even “good” and “noble” work can be un-inspiring.
When you figure out what you want to be when you grow up, will you let me know? Maybe it’ll inspire me!
written by Lindsey
February 28th, 2008 @ 12:55 am
I always think I know what I want to do, but then I sort of change and meld those ideas into new ones…it is always transforming. And I haven’t even started in the “real world” yet. Gah.
written by Emily
February 28th, 2008 @ 1:29 am
I think you still have forever to find your passion. My mother worked in HR until her early 40s, then gave it up to become a Presbyterian Minister. I’m a lawyer (though I don’t feel grown up….) but I’m well-prepared for the day in the future when I go back to school to finish my english major.
I haven’t been reading for long, and I haven’t commented much, but it’s obvious that:
a) you’re a passionate person who won’t settle- you’ve followed what you want to do, and while what you’re doing now may not be thrilling you today, on some days I’m sure it does
b) you’ll be a fantastic mother to your future kids- and that’s something to look forward to
Just be happy living and loving, and stay open to new passions. The whole fun of being Gen-Y is that we get to play around, instead of just jumping on the lawyer treadmill and staying there until we die or make partner
written by Kate
February 28th, 2008 @ 1:43 am
You’ve totally written my current biography. I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life after I finish The Dreaded Thesis. I also clearly remember being in grade 1 and never imagining that I’d ever be as big as the grade 7 kids, or my Mum for that matter. (In fact, my Mum remains 2 inches taller than me to this day!)
I think the fact that you are constantly questioning and looking for challenges means your life will continue to be exciting and filled with meaning.
written by E :)
February 28th, 2008 @ 5:13 am
Finding my passion. Growing up. Looking for the next best thing. Always thinking everyone else has what I want…I am in the exact same boat, Jaynet. I think this is why the term “mid-life crisis” has been legitimized by Wikipedia!
written by Lele
February 28th, 2008 @ 5:35 am
OMG, I totally understand! In fact, I’ve recently been asking people what their dream jobs and passions are and have found that a lot of people feel the same way that I do. Is this it? We ask, just like you. As I hit 25 this year I’ve begun to feel panicky. I still feel like that 20 year old sitting in speech class, but now I’m almost 25 and there are certain expectations, certain accomplishments that are supposed to come along with that and the years to follow. I sometimes wonder if I too missed the bus. Perhaps you and I (and hundreds of others) are just sitting on the nasty gum-filled park bench waiting for the next one. Thanks so much for this post. I could really relate.
written by brittny
February 28th, 2008 @ 7:04 am
I know exactly how you feel. I work for a consulting company where most of the senior consultants are probably younger or my age. I’ve probably had the same “opportunities” at some point. I just didn’t make the choices. But that’s who I am. I struggle with it a LOT! Especially now that I’m trying to balance my life with my 9 month old’s!
I think a lot of it, is that you may not find your passion at work! I think my passion is my family and friends. Work keeps me fed and warm. It keeps Maria fed and warm. Plus it probably keeps us both a little more sane!
My mom went to college to be a teacher in the 60s. Taught 1 semester and hated it. She went back and became a librarian. She did that for several years until she got pregnant with my brother, and then later me. She went back to school 12 years later for computer science, and loved it! She went back to work at 40 in a new career. How inspiring is that!?
written by Jane
February 28th, 2008 @ 7:30 am
I’m in the same boat too! 26 and just got married, in my mind somehow i thought that would be the biggest thing to happen in my life but now i’m looking for that purpose in life! Don’t feel bad i think it happens to a lot of people, but i think you can find your passion after 30! What’s meant to be will come! Or at least that’s what i’m hoping for!
written by Jackie
February 28th, 2008 @ 8:20 am
I struggle with this line of thinking too. I’m 25, have a great job where people think I’m smart and care what I have to say – but at the end of the day I can’t wait to get home to my husband. I think my passion in life is my family and I’m ok with that.
As for you — you started a fantastic blog that people love to read for you wit and insight. That’s pretty fantastic!
written by Laurie
February 28th, 2008 @ 9:06 am
i think everyone (well a lot of people) in their twenties experience this feeling. i know that i do all the time. i would never go back to school, at least i don’t plan to. but i don’t know if i can imagine sitting behind a desk for the rest of my life either. but it’s work. and maybe everyone doesn’t get passionate about work. and i think that’s ok.
written by Michelle & the City
February 28th, 2008 @ 9:11 am
Mind if I just copy and paste this as my entry for today? I’ve been half-heartedly job hunting for over a year, but I just can’t figure out what I’d want to do that I’d actually enjoy. I swing back and forth between feeling like I’m wasting my life and feeling like I should be so grateful that I have the luxury to fret about such things. Sometimes I wish careers were just assigned for everyone.
Another margarita for me, please!
written by Operation Pink Herring
February 28th, 2008 @ 9:22 am
I’m not sold on the idea that women need to have it all, all the time: great career, established family, decorated home, exciting hobbies, etc. What’s wrong with just being married for a while? And then maybe making a job change? And then having kids? And then making another job change? I understand the desire to take advantage of the time we have, but I don’t have a great need to seek out The Great Passion of my life, as if it’s this immutable Holy Grail. Is my seeming lack of ambition a disappointment to the enfranchised feminist movement? Shrug.
written by RA
February 28th, 2008 @ 9:25 am
Like so many others, I feel exactly the same way. I’m 24, not done with college yet because I’m in the military and got deployed for 18 months. Maybe this is just something that we feel in our 20s, that need for more, or that a sad “that’s it?” feeling. Thanks for writing this post and letting me know I’m not alone.
written by Terra
February 28th, 2008 @ 9:32 am
Good lord do I know where you are coming from. I’m searching for my goal and going back to school. I still don’t know what I want to be “when I grow up” and I’m finding that I AM grown up, so now what?
written by The Bug
February 28th, 2008 @ 9:37 am
Minus the husband and house, I’m in a similar situation. I’ve kind of been stumbling my way through life and my motto is “Everything happens for a reason!” But I’m not contributing to society, execpt through work, and I’m not socially active because I can’t wrap my mind around HOW to meet friends. If you figure it out, please post online and then write a book!
written by JP
February 28th, 2008 @ 9:41 am
Wow, I guess a lot of us are in the same boat, huh? (Well not really a boat…but that’s not a bad idea…let’s go out on a big fancy yacht AND drink the Margarita’s…that’s SURE to make us feel better!) Anyhoo…I don’t have a solution for you, but at least it’s comforting that many others feel the same way. I’m about a month away from entering the final year of my 20′s…scary…I have a great job, but the passion, yeah not so much.
It certainly doesn’t help when we see all of these young ‘ens who have accomplished so much…which leads us to reflect upon ourselves and think ‘omg, I suck.’ That’s how I get anyways.
I have a reading recommendation…I keep two books on my nightstand and read them whenever I start to feel blue about things like this. You ready? Dr. Suess ~ Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are and Dr. Suess ~ Oh, The Places You’ll Go. Really, I’m not kidding…they’re great books!
Hope you feel better and cheers, I’ll happily join you for Margarita’s!
written by Shesabigstar
February 28th, 2008 @ 10:25 am
yup, this is me. Happily married homeowner with a steady job at 26. Stumbled through a few jobs, went back for a master’s thinking I knew exactly what I wanted, and now am in a job, using my degree, daydreaming roughly 60% of the day at work of finding my amazing dream job which is nothing like the one I have.
I think in our 20′s we are still becoming our authentic selves, and so that dream may not exist right now. And it may only come when we fully understand what we want and expect and can command from a job. Until then, we are all forced to stick it out in the name of responsible adulthood.
written by cassie
February 28th, 2008 @ 10:40 am
I think its perfectly acceptable to continue “finding” your path well into your 30s. I know it’s trite to say, “Most people are age will switch career paths, blah blah blah…” but I think it’s also true. And, grant writing is really frickin’ boring. I don’t blame you for wanting to get out.
I have to say that just through the grad school search process, I have learned SO much about different career fields and options–I had no idea there were so many interesting jobs out there. I’m not sure how you can explore that wide array of options in a different way, but there really is “more” out there.
I am coming to have margaritas with you and OPH.
written by Laurel
February 28th, 2008 @ 10:47 am
I can only offer you my own experiences. Years ago, I decided not to climb the ladder in front of me. Sure, it would mean earning almost double what I make now. But, it would also mean lots of travel, working late nights and weekends, and lots of canceled plans. I decided living my life was more important than having a demanding job. Today, I have a great life. While I may not have a flashy job title, I am still challenged by my job. And I also get to leave it at the end of the day. I go home and have hours upon hours to do whatever it is I want to do. Which means, working out, spending time with my fiance and friends and just enjoying life. And to be honest, I don’t regret one decision I made regarding my career. Because, all there is in life is not bundled up in a job.
written by Nilsa S.
February 28th, 2008 @ 10:47 am
I don’t really have advice for you either. I want all these things. Another masters after I finish this one… maybe something else after that. I have no idea. I’m constantly thinking about getting married and having a house. But I don’t even own a car!
Tim is the exact opposite. He’s so laid back. He would rather see how the day pans out and not make plans. Whatever happens is fine with him.
It’s aggravating. But at the same time it keeps me grounded.
I just want him to be settled in something like the Fire Dept, so that I can settle down too.
is that too much to ask??
written by Julie
February 28th, 2008 @ 11:05 am
I never knew what to say when someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up (and still don’t). Happy never seemed to be an acceptable answer. But that’s really the most important thing, isn’t it?
I’ve managed to come to acceptance of my lack of ambition. It’s just the way I am. And I am happy with what I do, and happy to have a life outside of work. Maybe it’s sour grapes but I tell myself that people with high powered, important sounding positions don’t have time outside work to have a good life. I am hopeful that one day I do discover a passion for something…but I’m not holding my breath or not enjoying my life now in the hopes of something “better.”
I’d like my margarita frozen, please!
written by Virginia Gal
February 28th, 2008 @ 11:11 am
Well the good news is that you’re smart, talented, funny and very adorable. Finding your passion (and then finding a job in that field) is seriously difficult. I can only suggest trying to be patient and open to what the universe will surly deliver!
written by ambitiousmrs
February 28th, 2008 @ 11:34 am
Seriously, does anyone know what they want to do with their lives. Um, I besides not looking like leather when I am 45 and looking good, I got nothing.
Superficial much?
written by Stephanie
February 28th, 2008 @ 11:49 am
Relax – I’m almost 40 and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I do know that I like my job and the people I work with, and I don’t wake up in the morning dreading going to work. I’m pretty content with that for now.
written by Kim
February 28th, 2008 @ 11:52 am
I’m in my 60′s, and still looking for new passions every day. I had a wonderful career for 30 years, great family, and friends along the way, enjoy travelling, the out of doors, biking, skiing, various needle arts, but keep looking…
written by DCBFF's Mom
February 28th, 2008 @ 12:00 pm
I’m sitting here stunned because I could have written this post, sans the marriage and the potential for babies because while I hope for both, I don’t know what’s in my future. I just bought the book What Color is Your Parachute hoping it would help. We’ll see.
I have to say though, while I wish you were feeling more settled, OMG it makes me sooooo happy to know I’m not the only one out there.
written by Nic
February 28th, 2008 @ 12:06 pm
You know, I’m not sure I believe that a passion is something we have to search for or really force. I think you find your passions as you go through life, and if you find yourself feeling happy and fulfilled at the end of the day, then do you really need to stress yourself out over the fact that you aren’t changing the world? A passion doesn’t have to be life changing–it can be as simple as the love for a good book or the way you feel about your husband, friends, and family. There’s no deadline on discovering your passions, but I think if you stress yourself out over it, you’ll spend your time angsting rather than just going out and enjoying your life and the passions you’ll encounter along the way!!
written by Angela
February 28th, 2008 @ 12:06 pm
I felt similarly when I heard about the 21-year-old superdelegate.
Punk.
written by Arjewtino
February 28th, 2008 @ 12:10 pm
I think passions are a life-long search… there is a woman in Salt Lake who found, at the age of 85, that she loved dancing and actually was good at dancing. She now is the favorite half-time act at the Utah Jazz basketball games. And she’s 87. And she does the splits.
I think that your life-long passions, and your passions-for-this-phase-of-life don’t necessarily have to be the same thing, or come at the same time. Find something you love, do it often, keep trying new things, and you’ll soon find the handful of passions that will stick with you.
Good luck honey!
xox
written by heidikins
February 28th, 2008 @ 1:01 pm
(I’ve been reading your blog since we met when you came to visit Alison & we had coffee but I’ll break the blog-stalking and comment)
I totally totally totally struggled with this whole “who am I? where am I?” thinking for awhile – I suppose I still do but with a kidlet now I kind of have a new role and am on a different path. Anyways, can you believe there’s actually a name for this sort of thing? It’s call a ‘Quarterlife Crisis’ and I think it plagues our entire generation!! There’s actually a book by the same name (can’t remember the author(s)) and after I read it I quit feeling so guilty for the lack of direction in life. I felt like some pressure, athough all of it was self inflicted, had been lifted off my psyche.
I’m pretty sure our goals and dreams kind of shift and mold to the changes in our life so surely some direction will come your way when the time is right. Just do give up the blog in the quest for change…
written by Jen
February 28th, 2008 @ 1:01 pm
I think we define ourselves too much by what our job is, rather than what kind of people we are. You’re kind, compassionate, and funny. And that’s huge, no matter where you happen to spend most of your day.
written by Valerie
February 28th, 2008 @ 1:38 pm
And here I was thinking that *I* was in a rut because I’m in a work – home – sleep – work – no bling phase, but turns out it doesn’t get better? Poop!
written by alyndabear
February 28th, 2008 @ 4:13 pm
I know exactly what you mean- I think everyone goes through phases where you think, Is this it? And not that you’re unhappy, but just… unfulfilled? You wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, go to bed… then do it all over again. And the prospect of starting over can be SO SCARY (trust me, I left my job and career 3 years ago and it was Freaking Horrifying- but Wonderful at the same time!)
Part of the fun of life, though, is not knowing where you’ll end up. If you had told me when I graduated from college that I’d be a self-employed web developer with a daughter before I was 30 years old, I’d have said Shut UP! You’re crazy. Turns out, not so crazy
written by Jen
February 28th, 2008 @ 4:24 pm
I’ve been going through the same questioning process over the last few years, and only just figured it out–it’s definitely the topic I blog about more than anything else. The lady who does my nails told me that the whole “what’s my calling” ordeal was right on time (I’ll be 30 in May), because of my Saturn Return (it’s apparently your astrological coming of age–check out wikipedia). I’m not totally sold on astrology, but man, did it ever fit what I was going through.
I know it’s tough, but I got through it. I really think you will too!
written by Jen
February 28th, 2008 @ 4:30 pm
It’s the “quarter life crisis” as John Mayer would say…
I feel the same way too sometimes. I like my job but sometimes I hate the fact that I do Excel so much and I wish my job was more creative. I love cooking, entertaining, and interior decorating but to be a chef, I would have to work late at night which I don’t want to do or go back to school for interior design and I don’t know if I want to have additional school debt and have to move home. For now, I just cook, entertain, and decorate as a hobby but I wish I could turn it into a profitable business like Martha Stewart.
written by Heather
February 28th, 2008 @ 4:59 pm
DITTO.
I felt this same way in high school when I was choosing a college major, but I thought I’d have it figured out by the time I was 29-going-on-30. Uhhhh… nope. Still here, still frustrated. But sometimes I wonder if not all of us get a degree or a paycheck for our passions. My dad is a retired teacher, but he mainly did that to support a family; his passion is football, and I bet he’d coach for no pay at all. So as discontent as I am as a nurse, I do it to pay the bills, and I try to find fulfillment in all the other hours of my life. If I do decide to do something else professionally, I now view it less as “starting from scratch” and more as “building on what I’ve done.” Another betterment of me, if you will.
OK, that’s my big spiel! I wish you the best in everything, whatever you end up doing!!
written by Melissa
February 28th, 2008 @ 8:58 pm
Ah, yes, that age-old question (at least for those of us in our generation!).
You’re right, Janet — you have a job where you’re making a difference, where you have a lot of responsibility, and people rely on you and respect you. But I completely feel where you’re coming from when you say you don’t want to wake up ten years from now and wish you’d made a different choice — you know, that you hadn’t played it so safe, or that you’d taken the time to explore new possibilities. But then again, you don’t want to be seen as irresponsible or flighty (after all, you’re still a “new homeowner!”). Conundrums seriously suck, and these are the same kinds of questions I ask myself every day.
written by Zandria
February 28th, 2008 @ 10:56 pm
Being in the non-profit field myself, I know exactly what you mean. I wonder, is this what I am going to do for the rest of my career? Is this what I WANT to do for the rest of my career? I just don’t know. But then, I also don’t know what to do instead. I think we are still young enough to switch careers. My dad just turned 57 and he switched careers just a couple of years ago. He was the owner of a company and decided to retire from that and become a Financial Advisor. He studies, takes the tests, etc. so he can get new certifications and whatnot. He has the luxury of being in semi-retirement and working part time at the financial job. I mean, “luxury” that he worked decades to achieve I would say… Anyway, going back to school isn’t always ideal or an option, but certainly one can take classes, volunteer try new things and maybe a new career will fall into our laps?? I don’t know what I want to do either, but I do know that it’s NEVER too late to develop a new passion. I’m an optimist, can you tell?
written by Lindsey
February 29th, 2008 @ 10:24 am
Did you watch Oprah yesterday? If not, you should find someone who TiVo’d it.
Anyway, the moral was enjoy where you’re at in life, age-wise, and otherwise.
However, I agree and am in the same boat as you. I’m 27 but still can’t believe I’m 27, I feel like I should still be 22. Where did the years go? My life is great. My job is good. I teach the leaders of tomorrow. I’m happy and healthy.. but should I be doing more? Is there more for me? Is there something that could make me happier? Should I stop beating myself up if I don’t make it to the gym? If I gain a pound here or there b/c I actually enjoyed myself? Ah. . I could go on forever.
written by kassie
February 29th, 2008 @ 1:06 pm
I read regularly but don’t usually comment. I have to comment today to say, “Thank goodness I’m not the only one.” I teach elementary school. I have a degree in elementary education. I thought teaching was my passion. However, after four years, I spend a lot of time wondering what I am supposed to be doing with my life. I can’t imagine teaching for the next 35 years. I certainly don’t hate my job, and I do make a difference, but teaching just isn’t it. I think about going back to school too but for what. I am referring to this as my “quarter life crisis.”
written by Meg
February 29th, 2008 @ 5:01 pm
I don’t think it is ever too late. I’m still going through this and I’m 30. I KNOW what I want to do. I want to sit around the house in my PJs all day, sleep in and travel the world. But sadly, I can’t find anyone to PAY me to do that. You’ll figure it out!
written by Kristabella
March 1st, 2008 @ 1:22 pm
Don’t beat yourself up about it. To quote John Lennon “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”
written by Olivia
March 1st, 2008 @ 7:49 pm
I know how you feel. I’m 25. I didn’t finish my bachelor’s until I turned 25 because I kept switching majors trying find my niche in life. I’m now trying to get into Grad school. To be an occupational therapist (a long ways away from my business degree) because I’m scared that if I hit 30, I won’t have a chance to go back and do what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I won’t graduate until I’m nearly 29, but that’s just fine with me….
Because our generation will probably have to work until we croak, due to the lack in social security benefits we’ll be seeing (or NOT seeing).
But in general…I’m SCARED TO DEATH. :p
written by mel
March 5th, 2008 @ 2:30 pm
Keep in mind that the fact that something is prodding you to think about discovering your purpose is part of the process. You’re doing fine.
It might be that your purpose is to be where you are right now playing a specific role in someone’s life.
I don’t believe that everyone has a true “career” calling. Some of us are meant to work as waitresses while we get our fuel for life from writing poetry or being mothers or fathers or volunteering at a soup kitchen or teaching kids how to read.
Remember that your career doesn’t have to equal your passion. Those who make that happen for themselves (and it is possible to do that) are blessed indeed.
Hang in there! I know exactly what you’re going through.
Also, remember that if you open yourself to the possibilities, everything will happen when it’s meant to.
written by dawn
March 20th, 2008 @ 11:14 am
I’m totally with you on feeling lost. I graduated college at 22, wanting to take a year off before going to grad school. Then my SO was offered a spot in an awesome local masters program, so we stayed an extra 2 years. This year was my chance to apply to grad school, and I got in abso-freaking-lutely nowhere, which is a total blow to my ego. Except SO got into his top choice, so now I’ll be following him to Minnesota, the opposite of my dream location in California, and hope I get into grad school next year.
I’m trying to be excited, but it sucks that my job pays not much more than his grad school stipend, and I’m not even getting a degree out of it or have any opportunity for promotion.
written by mbbored
March 24th, 2008 @ 1:54 pm