September 8, 2009 · filed under miscellany

27
comments

an un-friendly post

If your facebook wall is in all caps:

HI FRIENDS, PLEASE SUPPORT THE MUSIC OF MY DEAR FRIEND BY CLICKING ON HIS LINK. ALSO I AM PRACTICING FOR MY UPCOMING CONCERT. I HOPE ALL OF MY FRIENDS CAN ATTEND.

I’m sorry, but on teh internets that means you’re yelling, ALL THE TIME. You have been defriended.

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If your Facebook wall is not in English:

_______ is goin xtra hard on some hmwrk

I don’t have time to translate. And please let me recommend some additional English classes. You have been defriended.

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If your facebook wall is full of love notes to your wife:

Good morning my Love! Thank you for EVERYTHING last night! I am so excited! I love you Gorgeous!!!!

I feel closer to your marriage than my own, and not in a good way. You have been defriended.

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If your facebook wall has Too Much Information, and isn’t even funny to compensate:

my kids had waaaaaaaaay too many prunes this morning

Well, that’s just gross. You have been defriended.

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If your facebook wall is dripping with amazing travel tales:

If you’ve never been to Santorini, put it on your travel list. It is GORGEOUS here!!! I honestly don’t know when it’s more beautiful, during the day or at night.

I will not defriend you. I will just be very jealous of you and possibly find a way to hide in your luggage next time.

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If your facebook wall is this boring:

_______ is relaxing

I don’t even know why you bother. Sorry, de-friend-o-rama.

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Maybe I should just give up facebook altogether, or at least for awhile. Has anyone successfully done this, and do you recommend it? It sure seems like if I devote an entire blog post to bashing wall posts, I shouldn’t spend so much time reading them…

27 Comments

  1. Janssen
    September 9, 2009 3:26 am

    Oh man, so awesome.

    Also, Facebook is getting stupider by the second.

  2. Korinna
    September 9, 2009 6:20 am

    I bailed on Facebook when my boss tried to friend me.

    I so was not going to go there.

  3. Operation Pink Herring
    September 9, 2009 6:23 am

    I don’t want to give up my facebook account beause it’s too great a stalking tool at times, but I can hardly bring myself to log in. I’m worse than you, I leave all those people friended so I can mock them. And then I get angry and log off facebook in a huff.

  4. Melissa
    September 9, 2009 6:36 am

    LOL… I agree!

    I could honestly live without FB quite happily. Unfortunately, FB is the only way some of my friends/family keep in touch with me regularly, so I’m keeping it mainly for that reason. But you’ll notice I don’t post “status” updates and such, because I have a lot of family members on my friends list who would not “get” those sort of things. Oh well!

  5. the ambitious mrs
    September 9, 2009 6:39 am

    If you don’t like facebook, definitely don’t do twitter. Not that I do, but from what I’ve heard…. that’s exactly what you’re in for.

  6. Liz
    September 9, 2009 7:29 am

    I hardly ever log in to Facebook. But, I do use Tweetdeck, since I’m Twitter quite a bit, and it funnels in all of my Facebook friend updates so they all come in like tweets and somehow, that seems less annoying to me.

  7. Frau Farmer
    September 9, 2009 9:37 am

    (Hi Janet – it’s Nicole from Liberal Banana! I’ve got a new blog now!)

    This post is HILARIOUS! I am definitely with you on all of those things. Some people’s updates are so boring they just kill me. The ones that really get me worked up are the ones with grammar errors, though. I want to defriend people who don’t know the difference between it’s and its! Is that cruel of me?

  8. Julie Q
    September 9, 2009 11:44 am

    AHH this post cracked me up. I’m going to have to follow this FB Mantra from now on.

  10. The Microblogologist
    September 9, 2009 12:03 pm

    Hahaha! So true, and yet if I followed this guide I am not sure if I’d have any facebook friends left ;)

  11. Kerri Anne
    September 9, 2009 12:08 pm

    I just realized this morning that I hadn’t logged in to Facebook in about two weeks. So forgetting it exists seems to help!

  12. Jess
    September 9, 2009 2:04 pm

    You can def do without Facebook. Just don’t log in. I have a friend who…

    doesnt punctuate at all i never know where a sentence begins or where a sentence ends i never know if shes started a new story or if it is the same story its really very hard to decipher it annoys the heck out of me but she is a friend in real life and would have an absolute hissy if i defriended her ugh

    =) I have a feeling Facebook will phase out with as the next big thing phases in. It’s just a matter of time.

  13. katelin
    September 9, 2009 3:35 pm

    hear hear! (or is it here here!? ) i completely agree. i hate when people write all in caps all the time or write in shorthand weirdness. usually i don’t defriend though, just overlook, haha.

  14. Alexa
    September 9, 2009 7:34 pm

    This is a tough talk blog post for the blonde! Points noted and taken.

    My brother recent status: Kisses dont begin with Kay Jewelers. They begin on Friday afternoon with a can of Natty.

  15. Alexa
    September 9, 2009 7:35 pm

    Hey did you actually de-friend people? I would be impressed!

  16. tRaCy
    September 10, 2009 3:57 pm

    ha, ha, ha, ha. Just what I needed after a stressful day!

  17. Paula
    September 18, 2009 12:16 am

    My favourites are the cryptic ones where it’s like “(person’s name) is so angry right now” but when people ask what’s wrong, they’re like “Oh I can’t say.”

    That being said, I did that myself just this week. If I was my friend, I’d probably defriend myself…

  18. doahleigh
    September 21, 2009 8:48 am

    Holy hell I’m so with you. There should be a filter in Facebook that all status updates have to go through before they’re posted.

  19. Hänni
    September 22, 2009 1:39 pm

    OK i think I need to post this as my FB profile. I HATE THE LOVE NOTES THING. And it’s not because I’m bitter. It’s because I think they will feel like such an idiot when their spouse/lover/flavor-of-the-week cheats on them with a stewardess in a public place. Oh wait, that’s me. I might be bitter.

  20. Julie
    September 23, 2009 8:28 am

    Yea.
    If you find a way to quit facebook let me know.
    Ive been trying for a while now!

  21. Alexa
    September 28, 2009 6:12 pm

    a blonde once blogged here

  22. Isabel
    October 5, 2009 8:47 am

    Yes, I’m this behind in blog reading.

    I haven’t looked at Facebook in weeks. And, clearly, I’m still alive.

  23. Mrs. H-B
    October 11, 2009 7:03 pm

    I haven’t gotten brave enough to de-friend, but I am a HUGE fan of the ‘hide’ button. I hate quizzes, bad punctuation and all of the things you mentioned.

  24. Debs
    October 20, 2009 1:48 pm

    Whew, I just checked and you were still my friend. YAY!

  25. Tracy
    October 21, 2009 4:52 pm

    Where are you?

  26. Elle
    October 23, 2009 3:31 am

    As much as I want to give up Facebook, it’s too good for stalking…I mean…seeing what everyone is up to.

    But I want to. I really do.

  27. alyndabear
    October 25, 2009 12:24 pm

    Oh, I am a Facebook lover. But the games, oy! People, you can play the games without POSTING IT TO EVERYONE ELSE. (I play more on there than I’d like to admit, but nobody will ever know because HA. I don’t post them. Learn, people. JUST SAY NO.)

    Ahem.

    I miss your posts, dear.