I struggled a lot with what to call today, but in the end it felt right to call it Miller’s birthday. And while it wasn’t a happy birthday, exactly, we ended up spending a really nice day together, feeling loved by friends and family, and close to our lost baby.
We ate breakfast at our favorite neighborhood hole in the wall, and then headed out to Great Falls, Virginia for a “hike” appropriate for a pregnant lady. The hike could have been just okay, given that I found it on google and had never been before, but it really ended up being way better than okay; it was the perfect place for the occasion.
We walked about a half mile up the trail along the Potomac River (across the river and a bit upstream from where Andrew proposed almost seven years ago…) and on the way saw a deer, dozens of butterflies, two beautiful herons, and a few tiny frogs.
We came to a point where Andrew hiked down to the rocky riverbed and took a moment to scatter some of Miller’s ashes. Then he built this little cairn (top photo) to mark the spot where Miller became a part of the river.
It was pretty steep so I stayed up on the trail. But I can imagine coming back to this place in the future. Maybe we can teach our boys how to skip stones there, or find frogs in the shallow waters.
We came home to flowers, cookie cake (why is cookie cake so much more delicious than cookies?), a tree planted in Miller’s name, some lovely notes and cards, and an afternoon nap. Tonight we made dinner together to cap off our peaceful day.
Thinking back on the last year is kind of overwhelming. And thinking about what our future holds can be too (mostly in a good way). But today we didn’t have to think much about either of those things. We could just think about what Miller meant to us and how much love he brought into this world.
Thank you to everyone who has supported us over the last year. It has made all the difference.