March 18, 2012: My mom, sister, and I were exploring New York City when we came across some kind of homemade wishing station rigged up to a street sign. There were hundreds of little yellow, red, and white tags on strings. Half of them were filled out with wishes, half were blank still, awaiting future wishes. I wrote on mine, I wish for a healthy baby and hung it with the other hopes and dreams. A positive pregnancy test came seven days later.
April 4, 2012: My third beta came back at 2,570, a pretty remarkable number (and probably my first indication that it was twins, duh). Sometime that night I opened a Dove chocolate to find this message: You are exactly where you are supposed to be. And I was. But my heart was in such a dark place, I can’t even explain the disconnect I felt between the good news and my sense of doom and gloom. I wrote on my instagram caption, ” wish I could believe this” and went to bed. I walked around for days/weeks waiting for the cartoon anvil to fall on my head, and for this pregnancy to end.
April 30, 2012: We had arrived home from Costa Rica 36 hours earlier, where we mourned sweet Miller but also began to celebrate this new little baby, this second chance at a happier ending. I went to the fertility clinic on this Monday morning for a third and final ultrasound before being released to my OB. Given our history, my RE had agreed to the special request, but since it wasn’t medically necessary and we had just missed 10 days of work, Andrew went to work instead. Toward the end of the ultrasound, the RE, the tech and I all saw something else on the screen. What is that? Oh my, there’s another baby in there! I called Andrew right away, asked him first if he was sitting down, and then told him we were having twins. I still don’t know where that second baby was hiding for the first two ultrasounds, but he’s been here ever since.
These are the moments I can remember from the early days. They seem almost foreign to me now, as I lay here with two strong boys kicking me from the inside. I can finally believe that I am right where I am supposed to be.