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martha to janet: “goodbye”

September 21st, 2005 @ 11:26 pm | domestic | Post a Comment

For the most part, I pride myself on being fairly proficient in the domestic realm. I can cook, clean, mend, bake, scrapbook, and knit to some degree. Lately, though, you wouldn’t know it.

For instance, I got home last night after doing some sale shopping at the Gap. I proudly pulled out my bag to show Andrew my pretty, new purchases (partly ’cause I bought him a present and partly ’cause I like to prove what good deals I get so he doesn’t think I am an insane shopaholic). Whaddya know, I notice that my new pretty teal blazer ($29.99!) is missing a button.

Ask yourselves, WWMD? What Would Martha Do? I’ll tell you: She would take 3 minutes and sew on one of the TWO extra buttons they included with the jacket.

But I, my friends, did not do this. Instead, today I went back to ANOTHER Gap to exchange the jacket for one with a button. But the only jacket in the same color and size WAS ALSO MISSING THE SAME BUTTON. Ack! This does not bode well for my jacket. And, I can’t even link to it because the Gap website has decided to undergo construction just tonight. Fabulous.

But I digress.

It’s not just the sewing. I’ve stopped cooking in and cleaning my kitchen. That’s because my kitchen no longer belongs to me, but rather to the colony of fruit flies that have moved in. And who Will. Not. Leave. Perhaps it is my fault because I like to go to Costco and buy 16 bananas, 3 cantaloupes, and a pineapple all at once. (And did I mention? Andrew doesn’t eat melon or pineapple. Neither does the cat.) The fruit flies confirm that I’m still failing the WWMD? test.

It goes on:

Every morning when I get in the shower I wonder if the moldy mildew goo might actually take the form of some globular life and leech onto my body and poison and suffocate me. Luckily, since I have stopped shaving my legs, I am not in there long enough to find out.

Last week, my laundry pile got so big I couldn’t face it. I could only manage a singular load of unmentionables so as to avoid Commando at work and just wore weird, wrinkly, unmatching outfits pulled out of the pile all week.

I haven’t read the Sunday paper. And it’s Thursday!

The end of this whole tirade is that my domestic shortcomings of late have come back to get me. My punishment for not passing the WWMD? test is that when I got home from frolicking around Georgetown with my girlfriends tonight, Andrew had cancelled the TiVo recording of the first ever Apprentice:Martha because the Phillies were on TV instead. Oh, The Nerve! (Luckily, Alli recorded it and I will be watching this weekend. Was it any good?)

comments

  1. This post has been removed by a blog administrator.

    written by Anonymous

    September 22nd, 2005 @ 12:47 am

  2. Hey, it’s the Wild Card race! Amie, help me out here please!

    written by andrew

    September 22nd, 2005 @ 12:52 am

  3. Martha was good. Your gonna like it! Maybe it will help motivate you to get back to your normal domestic goddess self (that way you can make me some yummy food :) ).

    written by Alli

    September 22nd, 2005 @ 10:39 am

  4. Jan-
    I gotta tell you. In my opinion Martha’s Apprentice was no beuno (sp?). I would think that this Apprentice would be better for me, it’s more about marketing and stuff that I’m interested in like Children’s Books! But I just didn’t get it, I don’t think all this exposure is good for Martha. She’s only marginally lovable as it is. And giving her all this time to write goofy letters and read them on TV is not a good idea. A word to Martha’s image consultant - all this warm and fuzzy stuff maybe should have been executed BEFORE her stint in prison, where she proved she’s an unrelenting ….. I’m sorry, I know you love Martha nad her Wedding Mag really gave me some great wedding inspirations. But my no likey the show. :)

    written by Mrs. Poochie

    September 22nd, 2005 @ 11:26 am

  5. Hi sissy,

    I just wanted to let you know that I read your blog and I feel your pain with the house stuff. And I am on summer break so I have no excuse!

    XOXO

    written by Anonymous

    September 24th, 2005 @ 1:46 am

  6. Phils phan that I am, that is a major Tivo foul on Andrew’s part! One parent of the Tivo cannot willy-nilly cancel shows without first arranging a suitable back-up plan.

    I missed it too so tell me how it is.

    written by Amie

    September 26th, 2005 @ 7:23 pm