thoughts from an almost bride
October 4th, 2006 @ 7:58 am | wedding | Post a CommentWe are entering the home stretch of wedding preparation. Thirty-seven days, not that I am counting. Of course I am counting. I’m sure at 10 days out I’ll feel like today was an eternity ago, but right now I can say I am feeling the pressure.
Not so much the pressure of the wedding planning, because I have simplified this wedding to the point that there frankly is not much to do. I have decided not to do traditional favors, place cards, seating charts, group transportation, out-of-town bags, welcome newsletters, a day-after brunch, a guestbook, or any other things I have deemed not 100% necessary. Hopefully it won’t come across as cheap or thoughtless, but rather just focused on the truly important stuff. (Like the open bar.)
I am also feeling the pressure of doing the million other non-wedding related things in my life, preferably on time, and all while trying to eat half as many calories as I usually do. Oh, and exercising every. single. damn. day. Tired or not.
When I think about how busy I feel sometimes I wonder if I am just a huge wimp. I have a relatively stress-free job. I’m not a mother. I don’t own my own house (which means my landlord has to take care of the heavy lifting). I don’t have a second job. I’m in good health. I guess sometimes it’s easy to just get wrapped up in the 50 billion little things on my list. The ones I never get to because I spend half of my life watching the TiVo. Who am I to even consider asking for sympathy?
Although I expect to feel a bit sad once the wedding is over (sure, I’ll be happily married, but my yearlong project, my wedding planning, it will be done forever), I am really looking forward to spending nine days in Mexico, half of them with my closest friends and family. And Thanksgiving is just around the corner from that, followed by Christmas. I just booked my ticket home for the week between Christmas and New Year’s and I’m already excited about that trip. Life will actually continue to happen past November 11th!
After the holidays Andrew and I are going to find ourselves at a crossroads. He will have to find a new job and perhaps I too will seek a change in my professional life (who knows?) and maybe we will even move. For the past year, my world has virtually ended on November 12th, not for any other reason except I wasn’t actually required to plan anything past that day. But now that it’s getting so close, I’m going to try to cherish these last few weeks of hustle and bustle.
I think it’s great that you simplified and decided not to do some of that “not 100% necessary” stuff. If I were a guest in a wedding like that (or better yet, a bridesmaid) I’d think that it’s wonderful that you’re focusing on the important things (yes, like open bar!) I mean, an “out of town bag” - I don’t even know what that IS. A welcome newsletter? What is this - a conference? And who the heck even reads their guestbook after the fact? (Half the people don’t sign it anyway!) Anyone who would think that you’re being “cheap or thoughtless” by not doing those things has something stuck up their behind.
I, myself, am not married, so I can’t give you any “after the wedding” advice, but I hope that you’ll find life to be just as full of things to look forward to!
written by Liberal Banana
October 4th, 2006 @ 8:27 am
I didn’t have time to look past my wedding either, but I didn’t feel the crash until after Christmas. We were married November 1st. On the 2nd, we had brunch at my parents, drove home (2 hours), unloaded gifts, packed for our honeymoon, watched my beloved Packers beat his Vikings on Sunday Night Football. On the 3rd, we were at the airport at about 6 in the morning on our way to Montego Bay. Came home 7 days later, and 6 days after that, I turned 30. (he threw a surprise party) Then another week later was Thanksgiving, and then a few days later was my hubby’s birthday. (I threw him a party) Then it was December, and who has time to be bored in December! Then came January in Minnesota when I realized I had nothing planned!
written by Jane
October 4th, 2006 @ 8:36 am
I know exactly how you feel… not about the wedding stuff, but feeling so busy when really — what do I have to complain about. I have a 9-5 job, no kids, I don’t even have a dog. Who am I to feel so overwhelmed? And yet, I almost always do.
I finished my master’s in August, and since then it has been kind of strange, because for the past year everything was focused on just surviving until August 1 and passing all my classes. Now that it’s over I’ve found plenty to fill my time (thanks to the fall TV lineup, mostly)… but I am without the same sense of purpose. It’s just different… but really nice. I hope I can always remember how stressed I was, so I can truly enjoy my weekends with NOTHING to do, instead of feeling guilty for not getting anything accomplished.
Oh, and I agree: kudos to you for ditching all the non-essential wedding madness!!
written by Jennifer
October 4th, 2006 @ 9:25 am
I echo the other commenters when I say bravo for eschewing all of those unnecessary, wedding-magazine induced extras! The whole industry makes you think it’s all about the guests, but it’s NOT, and I’m so glad that you’ve ditched everything that resembles that. My sister wasn’t so kind when I did the same kind of housecleaning for my wedding plans. One exception I might note is that we love the photo mat people signed as a guestbook, but I think that might be difficult to lug south of the border. I think you’ve been really considerate of your guests in every other possible way, so if someone gives you business about not having a marked place to sit, that person can sit somewhere that doesn’t have an open bar. Or is not in Mexico.
Sorry, stepping off the soapbox now!
I hope everything turns out how you want it to. You know that I’ve had that restless and overwhelmed feeling, too, but you’ll have your marriage to look enjoy, and that’s what Nov. 11 was really about, right? I’m thinking happy thoughts for you!
written by RA
October 4th, 2006 @ 9:45 am
Home stretch indeed! You are very clever to opt out of the usual wedding madness. I wish I had been so clever. All will be perfect. Is the actual day November 11? We’ll be at the Wiggles that day. Equal madness, I’m sure. Equal amounts of money being spent? I hope not.
written by CPA Mom
October 4th, 2006 @ 9:48 am
I must admit that I did experience a bit of post wedding let down. My advice is to pick right up on the things you love, but have given up for wedding planning. Like scrapbooking! Girls Night! Or whatever else makes you happy! It’s not that I missed all the tasks, it’s just that it felt so strange to have nothing to fill my time!
written by Alison
October 4th, 2006 @ 10:15 am
I felt the same way when I got married. I remember feeling so sad after not having a “big day” to look forward to. But, I think, the best thing you can do is to keep giving yourself things to look forward to.
written by Sarcastic Journalist
October 4th, 2006 @ 11:00 am
Yes, my honeymoon was tinted with a bit of sadness because it felt like it was ALL. OVER.
But then I realized it wasn’t over at all, and all the things we had in front of us were bound to be more interesting than just that one day.
You know, like those screaming fights when you have PMS so bad you can’t see straight and you pack up half your summer clothes in November and drive around for a few hours until you realize that maybe what radio station you listened to on the way to church WASN’T that big of a deal after all, and maybe, somehow, he DOES still cherish you as his wife even though he said you were acting like a moron.
See, isn’t that exciting? Ahh, marriage.
Seriously though, I am very excited for you, and from what you’ve told us on here, your wedding sounds AMAZING. And so does your wedding planning.
written by elise
October 4th, 2006 @ 11:27 am
I too ditched a lot of the wedding extras and didn’t miss them at all. It allowed me to enjoy the 2 weeks before my wedding, probably my 2 favorite weeks of being engaged.
I second RA with the whole if there’s some way to incorporate some kind of “guest book” I don’t think you’d regret that. A traditional book where everyone signs a line seems pointless (and like a funeral) but we had a huge picture mat and, because it was a small wedding, a lot of people wrote sweet, personal notes to me and my husband and they are one of my favorite wedding memories. I don’t mean to sound preachy and you have to do what’s right for you but, if I didn’t have it, I’d miss it.
As a side thought, is your wedding dress your carry on for the flight to Mexico?
written by Sarah
October 4th, 2006 @ 11:29 am
Smart lady, I can tell - I second Sarah’s request/question that you use your dress as your carry-on - have them check it into the 1st class closet if possible, too. The non-essentials are just that - and can really cause a LOT more stress to you than enjoyment for the guests. (Generally speaking)
In lieu of a ‘guest book” You might want to buy some large square, Mexican tiles (unglazed) - I suggest 4-6, while you’re there. What you do is go to your nearest craft/glaze it yourself pottery place and get the glaze ‘pens” and have the guests sign the tiles. Have them glazed (clear) and fired when you get home and you can make them into a tabletop or another fun project.
Or: Get a coffee table book about Mexico and some silver/gold/colored gel pens. Have the guests sign right on the pictures - Note for this: Have someone start by writing a few notes to you ON the pages, or you’ll end up with yearbook type scribbled notes on the endpages. Cheap, easy portable and waaay better than a guestbook! I didn’t have one, and didn’t miss it one bit.
written by Meepers
October 4th, 2006 @ 1:52 pm
I would so much rather have an open bar than an out of town bag!!
And you will probably miss your time of wedding planning a little, but you’ll have so many more things to plan in your life that it won’t be long before you forget about it…like your first house, first child, and so on!
written by Haggalicious
October 4th, 2006 @ 2:42 pm
Open bar is so crucial… As long as your guests dance and drink and get to spend a little face time with you, everyone will be happy!!
written by Laurel
October 4th, 2006 @ 3:59 pm
When I got married I found that the post-wedding let-down wasn’t as bad as I expected. There were still things to deal with like getting your photo proofs, ordering prints, writing thank-yous, etc. I found that tying up those loose ends gave me a nice smooth transition from full-on wedding planning back to normal life.
Congrats on your upcoming wedding - I hope it’s everything you want it to be and more!
written by Audrey
October 4th, 2006 @ 5:40 pm
This all sounds so exciting; I’m also not married, but after lurking your blog, I have to say how impressed I am at how “under control” everything is! Sounds wonderful.
Just think; after November 11, you’ve got a whole life of things to look forward to - and it will all be great, even if it can’t really be planned.
I’m excited for you!
-Aly
written by alyndabear
October 4th, 2006 @ 7:18 pm
Good for you to having perspective. It’s true, you will no longer have a “project”, but seriously how much fun was it to book those tickets with your new name? (I mean, uh…if you are getting a new name, of course…hmmm) From my experience (a bride who never thought past July 12), it only gets better from here!
written by Erika
October 5th, 2006 @ 7:37 am
Woo hoo! Just keep reminding yourself that 11/11 is just the beginning. Yep, it’s a big day, but it’s just the beginning.
Now I feel very, very strongly against the guestbook. As long as you have a photographer, you will remember everyone who is there. People who are going to write something nice and sweet will write it in their cards to you or send you an e-mail after they return about the awesome time they had with you guys.
But now, I will add my two cents about something else, if you’re going to have over 40 people, please reconsider the place cards. If not, you’ll probably want to have 50 seats in the reception. I find that no matter how well people know each other, there are gaps in the seating because 5 people might be chatting and will sit together, and then two people who are chatting might sit with them, then three people want to sit together but the only place left for them to sit is in three separate seats across the room. I know it sounds weird, but for some reason, it really does make a difference.
As for the other stuff, I simply cannot imagine why you wouldn’t do Tears of Joy packets and bubbles for the end of the ceremony…
written by Nic
October 5th, 2006 @ 9:30 am
Oh my gosh, it’s getting close! Hooray.
Don’t worry, your life will never slow down.
(and this is probably assive, but don’t forget to bring your wedding info on the plane ride home from Mexico. I tried to fly after I got married and my ID’s weren’t in my married name, but my plane ticket was. So it was a major problem!)
written by Isabel
October 5th, 2006 @ 2:11 pm
The countdown in ON! Yay!
And I am exactly like you–easy job, no kids, nothing crazy. And yet the pressure to do so many things! So much pressure! Wha wha whaaa.
Good job on the exercising. You rock!
written by Janet
October 5th, 2006 @ 8:59 pm
Oh Janet! Let me share a little newlywed secret with you: being married is AWESOME. It is the best feeling in the entire world. Our wedding was amazing, and perfect, but it was just a day (ok, in our case it was like five days). We felt so completely satisfied with how it all went it hasn’t been hard to move on… and it was SO exciting to return home to Amsterdam and just be married, you know! There are always new projects, new things to keep you busy, and you will always have your husband to focus on
Have fun!!!
written by for Joke!
October 6th, 2006 @ 11:06 am