losing the battle and the war
April 26th, 2007 @ 9:57 pm | blonde moments | Post a CommentRound 1. Scene: Bathroom (doing what ladies do in there, tinkling)
I’m sitting there, minding my own business on the loo when a big, giant roach crawls past my feet. Commence a (pantsless) freak out. I hate roaches. HATE. Hate. HATE. Did I mention that I am home alone tonight, all night? Where is my husband when I need him for bug-killing duties? I should have written it into our vows.
Okay, I must stop freaking and get some courage. I have to trap the roach. There is no way I am going to smush the roach, but I can at least contain it. I go to the kitchen to get a heavy, opaque bowl.
Roach: 1; Janet: 0
Round 2. Scene: Bedroom
By the time I come back with my bowl, little roachie is in the bedroom and I’ve called my sister in law on the phone for moral support. (I lied about being brave. I’m in full panic now.) I throw the bowl over the roach and it misses. Cue screaming and hyperventilating.
Roachie gets away from the bowl attack, but I dig deep and try to find all the bravery in my soul to smush it flat, repeatedly, with the cat scratcher pole thing. Bad idea. That thing was floppy and did not even crunch a leg. Little bugger ran into my closet. Fuck. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Where is my husband to come home and kill this bug! It’s tainting my shoe collection!
Roach: 3; Janet: 0
Round 3. Scene: Bedroom. This time with a weapon.
Sister has convinced me I need a deadly weapon. I got one of husband’s hockey sticks. Brilliant, right? I go back into the bedroom and start fishing things out of the closet but I can’t find the bug. It’s plotting my death, I’m sure of it. More panic. Deep breaths. Roach is hiding, just waiting to come out as soon as I go to bed tonight. I’m doomed.
Roach: 4; Janet: 0 (I’m losing here, badly)
Round 4. Scene: Living room.
I’ve put cats on patrol. I’m playing a modified game of “Hot Lava” where I am not letting my feet touch the floor. Sister tells me to keep the lights on, so I think I might sleep here on the couch in the brightness all night.
(five minues later…)
Oh crap, Cat #1 just fell asleep on the job. Cat #2 has figured out I am freaking out and he is hiding from a perch even higher up than mine. Husband still out of town. (Funny how that works.) Roach still hiding and plotting revenge, he didn’t like my attempted murder.
Roach: 4; Janet: 0 (We will call this round a draw.)
If you don’t hear from my by next Monday, you can assume that I was eaten alive, one cell at a time, by a colony of roaches. Until then, consider this post an SOS. If the authorities want evidence, just hand them these photos, okay?
Ahh roaches! The only thing worse is when you find roach parts (legs etc) hiding around the cat food bowl and can only assume that they’ve eaten it! They ate it and then crawled into my bed to cuddle me. Ewwww!
written by alison
April 26th, 2007 @ 10:01 pm
Ew! I had my neighbor in NYC (who I didnt know at all) help me kill one once. Eeeek!
written by for Joke!
April 27th, 2007 @ 3:44 am
Oh… see now this is where it is smart to live in Minnesota.. I know it’s cold, but it’s too cold for Roaches! And this is why we need to stop global warming! To stop migration of Roaches!
written by Jane
April 27th, 2007 @ 6:34 am
Yikes!!!!!! I loathe cockroaches.
written by Janssen
April 27th, 2007 @ 7:08 am
Ew!! Roaches are the worst. we’re currently experiencing (another) ant infestation, so I feel your pain. One of my cats is an excellent ant patroller, though. He is fascinated by them, so I know I missed one with the Raid bottle when he becomes fixated on particular spot on the floor/wall/counter.
I’ve been trying to train him to stomp them, but no success with that yet.
written by Jennifer
April 27th, 2007 @ 7:56 am
I have always found a flip flop is the best weapon. Easy to find, flat body for maximum spread, light and portable. It’s the shotgun of roach killing.
~Jef
written by Edge
April 27th, 2007 @ 8:30 am
OK, I am so not complaining about a few ants anymore. A roach would freak me OUT.
Your pictures were hilarious though!
written by Melissa
April 27th, 2007 @ 8:39 am
OMG I hate bugs, and especially roaches. I would freak the hell out. I don’t even think I would have slept in the bedroom with it still on the loose!!
written by Kelly
April 27th, 2007 @ 9:36 am
omg i HATE bugs of any kind. even little bugs freak me out, so i would not have been able to handle a roach. i probably wouldn’t have slept at all for fear it would get on me!
written by cady
April 27th, 2007 @ 9:59 am
Ew!!!!!! I dread the day that I see a roach in my apartment. It hasn’t happened yet, knock wood. At least you have one watch-kitty to protect you!
written by Laurel
April 27th, 2007 @ 10:59 am
OMG this post had me laughing so hard! We don’t get roaches here — it would have been a spider that had me reacting the same way. I’ve even made Tim get up early (he wakes up after me, usually) to kill a spider in the tub so I could shower. I could not believe the man actually stepped into the tub with the spider still in there! And then he missed with the first kill attempt and the spider scurried dangeriously close to Tim’s toes and I was screeching “DON’T LET IT BITE YOU!!!” and it was all very traumatic. Luckily Tim killed the spider on attempt number two (using only a wad of toilet paper. Do you have any idea how LITTLE protection that is? Your had has to get SO CLOSE to the spider while it’s STILL ALIVE and BITEY!), flushed it, (You CANNOT just throw it away. What if it’s not all the way dead and it crawls out of the trash to seek revenge?) and then promptly went back to bed while I enjoyed a spider-free shower.
written by Audrey
April 27th, 2007 @ 11:39 am
EWWWWW!
The laser eyes are sure to protect. Right?
written by Isabel
April 27th, 2007 @ 12:13 pm
I literally stood on our couch screaming and being the uber girl when we had one. My hubby who is equally not into bugs wanted to protect me more and came to my aid with a plunger and a swiffer. (his reasoning was that he would trap it under the plunger and smush it with the swiffer) I am really impressed with how brave you are. Hope your cats get him
written by Jules
April 27th, 2007 @ 12:39 pm
I am totally crying with laughter right now because you reacted EXACTLY the same way I would have!
Keep us updated and let us know if you every catch(kill) the roach!
written by Jenni
April 27th, 2007 @ 1:13 pm
GROSS
GROSS GROSS.
My dog is no help in this dept. Although sh does bark and chase mice. But I haven’t seen one in the new place ::knock on wood::
Buy a can of bug spray and just spray the sucker!
written by Julie
April 27th, 2007 @ 3:40 pm
Ewwwww. I went to college in Hawaii, and man, do I have lots of cockroach stories. All I have to say is that they are expecially huge there, and they FLY.
I feel your pain.
written by Sijbrich
April 27th, 2007 @ 4:24 pm
I don’t know that I have ever seen a roach. But I am with Audrey 100% on the spider issues. I’ve had one swing on it’s line past my face while I was in the shower, and I have even knocked the shower curtain pole down off the wall with my flailing arms! Hub-E is the spider killer and he now laughs whenever he hears me freaking out over some non-existent bug. The other day I had just wrapped the towel around my head and I thought a bug had crawled out of the towel and into my ear. Freaked.Out. Turned out is was just my earring that had gotten tucked up into the towel and then it popped out of the towel and into my ear. Yeah.
Your post was sooo hilarious, though, with the way you set it up like a game. Love the pictures, too. I would have freaked all night long, thinking it was going to crawl up the bed and into the sheets with me. EW!!
written by Chiada
April 27th, 2007 @ 5:27 pm
Oh gosh, ROACHES. I hope he’s well and truly squished right now, so it’ll be Roach 4, Janet 1. But you deserve bonus points for your extermination efforts, so let’s just round it up to a draw, alright?
*shudder*
written by alyndabear
April 27th, 2007 @ 8:02 pm
Once again, you’ve inspired a post-like response…Suffice it to say: Roaches bad. Costa Rican roaches (flying, huge) worse.
Roaches near shoes: Worse still. Know that Books and newspapers make for that satisfying crunch.
written by Maya
April 27th, 2007 @ 9:49 pm
Perhaps you would like me to make you feel better by telling you about the time I was home alone and I saw an itty bitty tiny little snake IN OUR HOUSE. It must have squeezed under the door leading out to the garage and was just hanging out on the carpet in the entry way having a grand old time. I think I actually started crying when I called Nick to figure out what I was going to do. I stood at the top of the flight of stairs with a container and a broomstick, and lowered the container on top of it. I was successful and then put about 5 heavy books on top of the container so he couldn’t squeeze out. Nick had precise instructions to immediately come home during his lunch break to dispose of it. And of course it was nowhere to be found.
So for about 4 or 5 months, I had a sneaking suspicion it was everywhere. I checked all the blankets and couch cushions before I sat down, I shook out my clothes every morning before I got dressed. Needless to say, I was very paranoid. And isn’t this lovely? We never did find it.
written by angela
April 27th, 2007 @ 10:39 pm
Hah. Roaches. The people in the apartment next to us are slobs. I vacuum up Cockroaches every night. But first I put down some Borax and I keep Moth Balls in my garbage canister. That whey they get clobbered when I vacuum them up. Be lucky you don’t live in my Apartment. No hockey stick would protect you! Oh, and my Man? Oh, he’s totally not a bug killer. That’d be me.
written by Jamie
April 28th, 2007 @ 9:02 pm
Ew roaches are so nasty. I hope you are still alive…better yet, I hope you are alive and have caught/killed the nasty beast. Let me know how it goes.
written by Lindsey
April 29th, 2007 @ 12:15 pm
Roches: gross!! That’s all I have to say about that. [shudder]
written by heidikins
April 30th, 2007 @ 10:58 am
Argghhh! I’m so late on this. Sorry for being such a bad blog-reader lately. I hate-hate-hate roaches, too. I’ll see them sometimes in my apartment, and each time is just as horrible as the first time. Yucky!
written by Zandria
May 8th, 2007 @ 11:27 am