a resolution
May 10th, 2007 @ 11:34 pm | blonde moments | Post a CommentOkay, I lied. When I said I was going to stop being Ms. Crabby McWhineypants, I really meant it at the time, but then like five minutes later once the allure of vacation left the forefront of my mind, I was back to the crabby whining.
(Much like my the way I diet: I resist junk food in five minute spurts. And I ususally get one spurt per day. If I’m lucky.)
My constantly-looping inner monologue has been going a bit something like this:
“I am so tired.”
“I am sick of my job.”
“I feel fat.”
“I feel ugly.”
“Why can’t my husband get a job offer he wants?”
“When will we be able to buy a house?”
“Why are there so many *&$^#% ants in this house?”
“Who gave you permission to play golf for four hours in the middle of a Thursday?”
“I hate the alarm clock.”
I realize these are ridiculous thoughts. I have so much to be thankful for in life. I have health, happiness, a great family, great friends, TiVo, random non-creepy people on the internet who tell me I’m pretty, and I’m going on a vacation in two weeks! My husband tells me I’m pretty every day. My mom thinks I’m the funniest person on the planet. My boss values my opinion. I need to just stop already with the whining!
But you see, I tell myself this all the time, and yet I can’t seem to stop. Instead I just feel fat, tired, stressed, and stuck in limbo.
And then, in a random moment at the end of a very long day today, it kind of hit me. I was crammed in an overfull Metro car this evening, my nose shoved into someone’s armpit and another stranger’s nose in mine. Over in the corner of my eye I caught sight of this guy.
(This is going to sound really mean.) This guy looked like an ogre. Like a caricature. Like the human embodiment of Shrek. He had normal sized legs. A too big waist. A really oversized chest. Upper arms bigger than many thighs. Hugely broad shoulders, with a distinct hunchback. No neck to speak of, but a very, very, very big head. And he was wearing a BRIGHT GREEN shirt. Shrek green. And he was sweating bullets.
People, it was too much! I had pangs of sympathy for this guy. He seemed normal in so many ways (iPod, messenger bag, anonymous commuter) but I couldn’t stop staring at him, wondering if he knew people like me stared at him and felt bad for him.
I don’t really know what my point is here. I just know that there was something physical about seeing this guy and the way that I just felt so sorry for him, (that is so condescending, I know, I’m sorry) but it made me think I really need to stop feeling fat and ugly and stuck and tired and stressed. It could be way worse. I’m not saying that this guy definitely has a terrible life, because maybe he has a Princess Fiona waiting for him at home. Maybe he loves the color green. I don’t know.
I see homeless people and poor people and hungry people every day, but sometimes they blur into all the other everyday sights. I pay more attention to the thin, well-dressed women toting designer handbags and thinking “I want…” than the needy people and thinking “I’m so thankful I have…”
My life is not at all bad! I do hope that a few things will get better soon. But I can say with confidence that even if it takes us a little longer to figure out what we are doing, no one will ever look at me and think I look like Shrek. (I’m sorry, but it’s true!)
I think the point of this whole long useless blather is that I, Janet, resolve to have more patience, more gratitude, more serenity, and to just let life happen a little bit. I also formally request that if you hear me complain either in person or on the phone or on the blog or commenting on another blog, please just hit me and remind me of my promise, okay? And this time it’s gonna last more than five minutes.
Do you find that you have more sympathy for men than for women? Because I totally do. I’ve had the same “poor Shrek” thoughts myself.
I think everyone is doing “better” than someone. And everyone has “poor me” moments. I seriously think there is something in the air, because I’ve heard this blicky feeling is going around. I know I’ve gotten to the point where I can control my emotions about certain “poor me” things either. And I know that logically my life isn’t bad, or even close to bad. I just can’t get past it.
::sigh::
Thank goodness for the beach!
written by Aimee
May 11th, 2007 @ 12:26 am
Okay, I (almost) never respond to my daughter’s blogs, although I read every one and am convinced she is as gifted a writer as she is a person, but tonight’s blog is my PERFECT Mother’s Day gift. For who could want more than a daughter this wonderful? (Unless, as is true in my case, I hit the lotto and have TWO daughters who make me proud every single day.)
written by Mom
May 11th, 2007 @ 12:27 am
I respect and applaud your resolve to stop whingeing. But this is your party and you can cry if you want to, if you get my gist.
written by E :)
May 11th, 2007 @ 12:57 am
Nothing tops off a helping of self-pity like a side of guilt, does it? I basically go through this whole cycle once per day. I think about how tired I am of my job, how I need to make more money, how sick I am of cleaning up my boyfriend’s socks and cat-litter crumbs all over the house… and then I think, who am I to complain about anything? I have a great life and a great family and the best friends in the world. And then I feel guilty.
I resolve to stop the self-pity too. It’s so counterproductive.
written by Jennifer
May 11th, 2007 @ 8:14 am
Ok, so in a perfect world, we would quit the whining and be grateful for everything that we have, and blah blah blah. However, first and foremost, we are WOMEN!! Or girls. I don’t know…woman makes us sound so grown up, and even at 28 I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. Anyhow, I’m probably the worst at whining, wanting what others have, and totally picking out the ‘Shreks’ out there. But I’m also happy 99% of the time…and I’m sure that you are too…it looks like you have lots to be happy about. So if every once in a while you feel the need to have a weak moment and whine and cry and complain, you go right ahead! I’m right there with ya, sista!!
Oh, and your Mom made me cry! I’m a Mom too, and when I read her comment, yup, I cried a little bit!
written by Shesabigstar
May 11th, 2007 @ 9:12 am
This is a wonderful post in every way. Good job looking within and finding something great to focus upon and also - YAY for beach vacations!
written by elise
May 11th, 2007 @ 9:35 am
Oh, poor Shrekman!
I actually have a coworker right now who makes me feel the same way. I sometimes feel slightly guilty that my gratitude is coming from the misfortune / shortcomings of someone else, but it’s still a good reminder.
Think positive and have a good weekend, okay? And see Waitress–it will also make you feel great about your life and husband!
written by Laurel
May 11th, 2007 @ 10:45 am
Thank you for putting into words (and publishing) something that I think so many people are toying with in their own minds. I don’t want to sound like Pollyanna, but most of us really do have so much to be grateful for. Thanks for the reminder.
xox
written by heidikins
May 11th, 2007 @ 10:51 am
That guy may have looked like Shrek, but it would be even better if his personality was like Shrek: i.e. he was very funny, confident of himself, had a great personality. Then, instead of feeling like “oh, poor Shrek man”, we might think, “hey, Shrek man! How’s it goin’?! High-five!” or something like that. Maybe he wore the green shirt on purpose, knowing that it made him look like Shrek, and he smiled to himself as he left his home that morning.
Anyhoo, I totally feel you on all the whining and stuff. I have my many days a month when I’m like that. I’m kinda like that right now, actually. I have a great job and great bosses, but I am utterly bored with my job. Both my cars have problems. There are always dirty dishes in the sink (I can’t tell you how much I want a dishwasher). My only bathroom has been in a stage of remodel for the last year, with the drywall torn off, the sink pulled out, and the flooring ripped out. I get so sick of dogs being in the house and getting their fur EVERYWHERE. And just generally, the feeling of hopelessness, like nothing will change. Then sets in the lacsidasical feelings of “why bother, it never changes” and the wallowing in self pity. My mom tries to slap me around and tell me to get out of my funk. But that usually makes it worse. “Mom! I WANT to be all whiney, thank you very much!!” I think it has to do with A) weather (we have fog now), B) hormones, C) lack of exercise. Of course, a bit of extra spending money in my wallet would be nice too.
I hope you get to feeling better. You are gorgeous! Great writer! And all good things come to he/she that waits. You’ll get your house someday. Andrew will get a job. Just think of it has specks of dust in the whole grand scheme of things. In five years, ten years, this won’t really matter.
(Please forgive my book post.)
written by Chiada
May 11th, 2007 @ 11:23 am
You are pretty! You are funny! You are blessed! Not to get preachy on you, but I was at a service at school/work the other day and there was a quote referenced that was something like this, ” If you say one prayer in your entire life, say thank you.”
This secular friend here thought it was so moving. Okay, off to the convent!
written by Lextoase
May 11th, 2007 @ 11:23 am
OMG… I am sorry but I just laughed out loud at this:
“no one will ever look at me and think I look like Shrek.”
Let me just say that I have this exact commentary running through my head constantly. I’m fat, I’m stressed, I’m tired, I want more money, I want……. and yet, on the inside, I know that this is all wrong. My life is great. Why can’t I appreciate it as I should? When will I be able? Ever?
We all need a kick in the pants sometimes and yours just happened to be Shrek.
P.S. You are pretty, smart, fun, loved, blessed, and funny. I sense all that without having had the pleasure of meeting you in person… imagine what great things I would say after!!
written by Lauren
May 11th, 2007 @ 11:55 am
This is a great post, Janet, and so true! We all need to remember to be thankful for what we have and not worry/complain so much about what we don’t have. Thanks for that!
And, the whole Shrek thing is TOO hilarious. I’m sure he’s a sweet guys, but the analogy really cracked me up.
written by Morgan
May 11th, 2007 @ 3:16 pm
I completely know where you are coming from. I have the same types of thoughts about myself and about my life, but then I look around and realize how good I really have it. I feel like I’m always wanting more instead of being happy with what I have. I think it’s a common feeling and I definitely think it’s an American thing too. Lately I’ve been shopping a lot to fill some void I’m feeling, but if I stop and relax I realize that there really is no void…it’s all in my head.
You are gorgeous, smart and loved and deserve to be happy!
written by Lindsey
May 11th, 2007 @ 3:40 pm
A site you might like to check out. Kind of a neat idea with the Braclettes
http://acomplaintfreeworld.fobby.net/
written by Katie
May 12th, 2007 @ 7:14 pm
I can’t stand it when I get sad about strangers but it happens just like you described. If we are in a restaurant (even Wendy’s) and someone is eating alone, I have to sit with my back to them and think about something else (and if it’s an old person, and I can’t find a wedding ring…well then we just have to leave and eat somewhere else). I guess Shrek shared the train with you that day for a reason. I hope your funk passes soon!! :o)
written by Erika
May 12th, 2007 @ 9:08 pm
[...] love: I seem to be sticking to my resolution pretty well. I’m trying to make this week’s theme High Energy. I got up this morning and went running. Husband and I made dinner together tonight. I have dinner plans with a friend for Wednesday. No time to sit around and wallow! [...]
written by love is blonde » love & hate, optimism edition
May 14th, 2007 @ 9:03 pm