hi mom! no, not you, the other one, over there…
May 23rd, 2007 @ 1:37 pm | blonde moments, family | Post a CommentHi! I know, I haven’t posted in like, days. I’m still here, just buried under work since I am taking all of next week off to eat biscuits and get sand stuck in my scalp. You’re jealous, I know.
Today I’m going to tell you a little story about my “friend,” we’ll call her “Janette.” My friend Janette had this really awesome wedding in a country where they serve really good drinks. Drinks so good that they tend to mask the actual massive alcoholic content that goes into them. Janette may have had one or two or three too many at her wedding and then had a conversation with her new (awesome and wonderful) parents-in-law that went like this:
Janette: OMG (slurring) I love you guys and I’m so glad I’m part of the family. Can I call you “Mom” and “Dad” now?
Parents-in-law: Sure!
Then Janette kept on dancing and partying because after all, it was her wedding. She even went swimming after the party was over and bashed her knee into the side of the pool, which felt really awesome the next day and left a giant bruise for the next two months.
But anyway, now it’s the morning after Janette’s wedding and she runs into her new mother-in-law at breakfast, who asks Janette if she remembers asking if she can call her Mom now. Janette pretends to remember, but of course she doesn’t really, as details from the night were pretty fuzzy.
Luckily, Janette likes her new mother-in-law a lot and is totally down with calling her new parents Mom and Dad. Why not? It’s just easier and as long as everybody is cool with it, let’s do it. We’re all in agreement here (in theory).
However, Janette finds that actually using the words “Mom” and “Dad” when not speaking to her real life mom and dad is just a little bit…weird? Not bad weird, but enough to giggle every time you say it weird. That’s normal though, right?
Next week, Janette is spending a whole week with her parents-in-law and she is going to try to actually, finally call them “Mom” and “Dad,” instead of just “Ummmm, you over there” or “Hey lady.” We’ll see how it goes.
I’m thinking this would all be a lot easier if we had kids, because then our parents would just become Grandma and Grandpa. Somehow those words roll off the tongue so much easier. Unfortunately, I don’t think that reason alone is enough to speed up our Five Year* (*approx.) Plan for children.
Although I’m feeling like we’ve had this conversation before (I can’t seem to find it in my archives…) tell me, what do you call your parents-in-law, if you have them? And also, what do you call your grandparents, because my best friend’s mom is about to become a grandma any day now and she needs help with what her Grandma name should be. (I personally have one “Grandma” and one “Granny” although one day I hope to be one sassy old lady that goes by “Granny Janny” and drinks a margarita every day with lunch.)
I love this post. So much. Your friend Janette sounds sassy.
I love my in laws so much. So much. But I would die before I called them anything besides their given names. I just think that’s sort of weird to call them “mom and dad”. I mean, they aren’t my parents. I don’t know…I just think it’s odd.
As for what to call grandparents. I just called mine “grandma and grandpa”. Ken has a “grandma” and a “grammy”. I would prefer it if Babboo could just call them “grandma [her name]” and “grandpa [his name]”. My parents go for that but Ken’s parents want to be “papa” and “mimi” or something…I can’t remember. I HATE THAT and want to tell them so. But a friend told me that they get to choose their own names.
What do YOU think about that?
(I refuse to call Ken’s parents “papa” to Babboo. I refer to them as “grandma and grandpa”. Is that so horrible of me? IS IT??)
written by Isabel
May 23rd, 2007 @ 1:54 pm
OMG, you must be Granny Janny. Best idea ever.
I’m still stuck in the “What do I call Mama and Papa AS?” phase. Last Thanksgiving, I hugged AS’s sister, looked her in the eye and said, “It was great to see you, N–.” Then I turned to his mom and said, “It was great to see you, uh, you.”
In cas’ Minnesota, I grew up calling my parents friends by their first names. I can’t quite get over calling AS’s parents Mr. and Mrs. because, like, I’m an adult, you know?
AS’s sister-in-law calls them by their first names, though.
written by Laurel
May 23rd, 2007 @ 1:56 pm
I recommend that you should call one set of the family Grandma and Grandpa. The other set should be differentiated by calling them Nanna (or someother traditional grandparent name) and Granddad–that sounds cool while GrandMom sounds goofy.
Also I call Michelle’s parents by their first name—– I only have one set of parents and I can’t imagine giving anyone else that honor. Also, I like calling Michelle’s parents by their first name because it helps establish that they do not have any authority over our relationship. If I marry her, then I would want the parents to understand that a new family unit has been formed.
Anyways I worded this a little bluntly and Michelle’s parents are super super cool. I really like them and they don’t interfere so the whoel equel thing may just be posturing(for a little self reflection) but I can’t wait to here how things really are cause what do I know? I haven’t seen my gf in 7 months! Things here are doing good. I go up to AC on the 8th. Are you going to be around? Email me and let me know.
written by Mr. Cheetos
May 23rd, 2007 @ 2:20 pm
I call Tims parents Matt and Linda.
I think it may be weird to call them Mom and Dad.
Love- That its a long weekend.
Hate- That you’re going on vacation..
::pouting in the corner::
written by Julie
May 23rd, 2007 @ 2:30 pm
Great post! For the whole 5 years of my marriage, I referred to my in-laws as ‘hey, you’ or ‘oh, guys’ or anything else that could subtly suggest that I was talking to them. Hysterical. Now that I’m divorced, I have absolutely no problem addressing them by their first names…it’s amazing how easily their names roll off my tongue now, because when I was married and it was time to address them, I would literally get nervous. Every single time. And we were (still are) a very close family, so it’s not like I only had to worry about this once in a while. I saw (and still see) them 3-4 times per week, if not more.
And now on to the what to call the grandparents question. You’ll probably be sorry you asked me that question! Ok, my kids (ages 3 & 5) have lots of grands…grandparents and great grandparents on each side. The grandfathers are referred to as Grandpa Stan, Bumpa, and Baba (Baba came from my son because it was the closest thing to grandpa that he could pronounce; as he got a little older and could speak, the Baba kind of just stuck.) Now on to the Grammy’s…we have the obvious Baba’s Grammy and Bumpa’s Grammy (not because they’re Baba’s and Bumpa’s Grammy’s, but because they’re married to Baba and Bumpa), then we have Brian’s Grammy because Brian is the step-grandfather, and then there’s my personal favorite…GWB, which is short for Grammy with the birdies. She is a great grandmother and when my son was little, he only saw her on holidays and such…so we were going there to visit and he couldn’t remember who she was, so we said, ‘remember, she’s the grammy that has the birds’…so she got dubbed Grammy with the Birdies. She now lives right up the street from us and actually cares for my daughter while I’m at work (son is in pre-school), and she’s still referred to as ‘Grammy with the birdies’ so I had to shorten it to GWB.
Probably a little TMI on this comment, but you asked!!:)
written by Shesabigstar
May 23rd, 2007 @ 2:37 pm
Just yesterday, my friend — we’ll call her Jenny — happened to be watching a last week’s (and the penultimate!!) episode of Seventh Heaven, and Kevin (Lucy Camden’s husband for those who don’t keep up with the World’s Worst Show) called Mrs. Camden “Mom” at least three times. Then Mrs. Camden referred to Kevin as her son and I — I mean Jenny — lost it. He’s not her son! He’s her son-in-law! There is an important difference — namely, that your daughter is not actually married to her brother!
I would find it really wierd to call someone other than my own mother “Mom”, although I love the sentiment. I think I will stick to first names when I actually get around to have in-laws.
written by Jennifer
May 23rd, 2007 @ 2:54 pm
in some places in the world (like georgia), it’s ok to call people ms. or mr. plus their FIRST name. it is really convenient because it is formal and personal at the same time. you should try it.
written by betsy g.
May 23rd, 2007 @ 2:56 pm
Until I was married, I avoided calling H’s parents anything because it was too weird. Even though they told me to call them by their first names. I grew up calling people’s parents Mr. Firstname and Mrs. Firstname.
Anyway, now that we are married, I just call them by their first names.
H’s sister’s husband calls my in-laws Mom and Dad, which just seems weird to me. Partly because his whole attitude is, “Please like me! Please like me! OMG! Please like me!” It’s a little too much.
written by -R-
May 23rd, 2007 @ 3:06 pm
Oog. My stomach turns every time I consider this situation. I call my in-laws Mom and Dad, but mostly because I felt myself succumbing to the pressure to make my MIL feel like I was REALLY IN THE FAMILY LIKE FOR REAL! I haven’t worked up the nerve - almost 2 years later - to actually say Mom and Dad to their faces, but I’ve got the hang of it in emails…
JG calls my parents by their first names, at least officially. He hasn’t worked up the nerve to do that, either. They’re, ah, not the warmest of folks… and my mom made a ginormous deal about how he would be “the first young person” to call them something other than Mr. and Mrs. Lastname. Oh, Mother.
Grandparents? I called mine by the proper Chinese titles (don’t ask me to replicate, please!) and JG has two Pop-pops, a Mimi, and a Nana. So I feel like anything goes in Grandparent Land.
written by RA
May 23rd, 2007 @ 3:16 pm
Well, I don’t have any in-laws (they both died way before I ever met him, sadly) so this is easy for me. However….since Scott is only 10 and 12 years younger than my parents - there is NO WAY that he’s calling them Mom and Dad. That would be weird. Occasionally he’ll joke around with me and ask, “How’s Mom and Dad?” but he calls them by their first names.
I call his uncle “Uncle”, like he does, and my SIL her first name. And that’s our entire family. If we had kids, I’d let them ‘name’ my parents something funny and (hopefully) slightly embarassing. I nicknamed my dads’ dad “Pampa” (say Pomp-a) and we always had a special bond. His wife was Grandma, and my moms’ dad and step-mom were “Grammie and Grampa” when they were around.
written by Maya
May 23rd, 2007 @ 3:27 pm
My boyfriend calls my grandmother ‘nonna’, which is the Italian word for grandmother. I suppose that’s sort of weird, but at the same time, my family either calls her ‘nonna’ or ‘ma’ (depending on their relation to her), so it would also be weird if he tried to call her by her first name since nobody ever calls her that. As for parents, we stick to first names, and….I like it that way. The ‘mom and dad’ thing would just creep me out, I think.
If we were to have our own kids though, I have no idea what they would call our parents. Matt doesn’t have any grandparents (ie- no precedence with name-setting) and my grandparents are ‘nonna’ and ‘nonno’….except it seems weird to think of calling my mom (born in Canada) ‘nonna’ and especially weird to call my dad (born in Canada, lives in England) ‘nonno’.
Things that make you go ‘hmm’….
written by alana
May 23rd, 2007 @ 4:06 pm
Wow, that Janette sounds like a pip. I have a friend, I’ll call her Rachelle who doesn’t call her in-laws (of TWO years!) anything at all. Except in emails.
written by rachel
May 23rd, 2007 @ 5:07 pm
I tried calling my mother-in-law “mom”, but I only could get it out a couple times before I was overcome by the weirdness of it. Just couldn’t do it. So now it’s like, “hiiiiiii!!” “helloooo!!” “how ARE you?!!!” and I also call her by her first name.
Both my grandmothers are Gramma-’FirstName’.
written by Chiada
May 23rd, 2007 @ 5:11 pm
I guess I was saved from this predicament by having two sets of in-laws (both of my husbands parents are remarried) so it seemed like first names are the only way to keep them straight.
But that also complicates the “what to call the grandparents” issue since that means we need three sets of cute names!
written by alison
May 23rd, 2007 @ 5:38 pm
Please, God, let your grandchildren call you Granny Janny. It’s too great!
I call my in-laws by their first names. When talking to Tim, I refer to “your mom” and “your dad” so as to avoid any confusion. If we’re giving them a gift from both of us, we’ll address the card “Mom and Dad,” but I don’t think I could ever actually call them mom and dad. They’re just not my mom and dad, much as I love them. Tim’s the same way with my parents.
My grandmas are Grandma and Grandma Lastname (she’s on my dad’s side — although her last name is different, i think from a second marriage? — and we hardly ever see her).
written by Audrey
May 23rd, 2007 @ 5:52 pm
Well, I don’t have in-laws - but I do have nieces/nephews, and they call my parents what we all call them. Padre and Miss Gretel. (Padre is not hispanic, but Miss Gretel is a pre-school teacher, so at least one of their monikers fits).
xox
written by heidikins
May 23rd, 2007 @ 6:01 pm
Janet,
Well, after thirty years of trying to call my inlaws “mom” and “dad,” it still feels awkward. So, good luck with that. I stick with first names.
As for the grandparent thing, I guess I’m going to let it happen organically, even if it is Grandma Nutty.
written by Christine
May 23rd, 2007 @ 6:30 pm
Delurking - through Cheeky Lotus.
I just STOPPED calling them my Out-Laws, now it’s on to WHAT to call them.
This post cracked me up. (and the comments, too.)
written by Jenny
May 23rd, 2007 @ 6:48 pm
I call my in-laws by their first name… but it’s hard. I admit it.
I called my dad’s dad “gramps.” The other grandparents I had were my great-grandparents: Grandma and Grandpa Jones. We called them that too. “Grandma Jones: when are we opening Christmas presents?” “Grandpa Jones: Do you want to finish all of the goodies on my plate? That’s way too much turkey.”
You’re hilarious!
written by Marianne
May 23rd, 2007 @ 7:09 pm
I call my in-laws by their first names, and my husband does the same with my parents. I don’t think calling the other’s parents “mom & dad” would have ever felt natural to us.
We used to call my grandparents by their last names, i.e. “Grandma and Grandpa A___” and “Grandma and Grandpa C____.” However my husband grew up distinguishing his grandmothers (his grandpas both died young, sadly) by their method of travel: one grandma lived in the city so she was “streetcar grandma” and his grandma from the country was “train grandma” (except in Hungarian, of course). It’s kinda cute… maybe Oliver can call my parents “car grandma and grandpa” and George’s parents “airplane grandma and grandma.” hehe
written by Melissa
May 23rd, 2007 @ 7:58 pm